


Armageddon

by ourvelvetscars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate reality of sorts, Angel Wings, Apocalypse, Caretaker Castiel (Supernatural), Cas and Kids, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Dean Winchester Has PTSD, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Deancas angst, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt Dean Winchester, Leader Sam Winchester, M/M, Monsters, Protective Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, They actually communicate, leader castiel, light homophobia, lots of hugs, lots of pain, mention of Hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:48:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourvelvetscars/pseuds/ourvelvetscars
Summary: In an alternate reality where Michael causes the apocalypse, Dean Winchester and Castiel get ripped apart. Castiel and Sam Winchester gather their forces in hopes of beating an incredibly powerful archangel. But ever since that horrendous day, Castiel had never been the same. He hoped to find Dean and reunite with him, but was Dean even alive after all this time? Was Castiel chasing after a ghost?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. Finding Dean Winchester

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be putting song suggestions for each chapter (did this before in one of my other stories and thought it was fun). All songs are from my Dean playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZyL568OCIJiZifMDdYS9a?si=U15m3K2xR-aXZ6Zl8SWYfg
> 
> .
> 
> Anyways, song suggestion for this chapter:  
> Unsteady- X Ambassador

Castiel searched high and low but he couldn't find Dean Winchester. Something was pulling him to the room on the far end of the hallway, the lights bursting and screams blasting in his ear as the war raged on around him. Michael's monsters and fighters were strong but hopefully, Castiel's army was stronger. Dean and Cas had gotten separated over a year ago when Dean got pulled away from him when the apocalypse started by the archangel Michael. And by apocalypse I mean the whole shebang: volcanic eruptions, shattering earthquakes, trees falling, extreme weather, unpredictable hurricanes and tornadoes everywhere. It was a miracle some people even survived. They found other hunters, and whoever was alive, and they appointed Castiel to be their leader. Years passed, and Cas was still hell-bent on finding Dean.

Castiel spent the past year, leading and commanding his army. But this wasn't just his army, it had become his family. Sam and Cas found a large building unoccupied and somehow still standing upright and decided to take residence there. They morphed the building into a camp, a sanctuary. Lost families, kids, teenagers, men, women, couples and pretty much every lost soul came to Cas. Cas welcomed them with open arms. Sam helped train the humans who wanted to become hunters to fight for their survival.

Everyone respected Castiel. Cas was kind, compassionate and open-minded to new ideas and opinions, however, he was brutal and stern when he had to be. He made difficult decisions with Sam's guidance. Cas had sent out small teams now and again in hopes of finding Dean. Something in his heart and gut told him Dean was still alive, so regardless of what everyone said, he didn't give up. He couldn't. 

Cas stood outside the door, afraid to open it and find it empty. But he held the door handle and pushed it. The door opened and there was a flash of light as an angel was killed.

Cas gasped, because he was there, staring at Dean Winchester who was standing before him with a bruised face, busted up lips, torn jackets, and jeans, and an angel blade weighing in his experienced hands.

"Dean?" Castiel's voice broke. Dean turned around to see the angel, _his_ angel, standing limp.

"Holy shit, Cas?" Dean put the angel blade back into his jacket, and sprinted over to Cas, wrapping his arms around the angel, "it's you."

"I thought- I thought I lost you," Cas whimpered into Dean.

"Shit, Cas, I thought you died," Dean muttered, pulling away.

Cas was still speechless, "I found you."

Dean's expression shifted, "wait, you were looking for me this whole time?"

Cas nodded, mouth opening agape.

Dean's shook his head, lips curving upwards into a small smile, that pushed away all of Cas's fears and worries in a heartbeat, "well, you found me, feathers."

Castiel wanted to cry. He wanted to hug Dean, hold him and never let go. But the world around them was burning. There was a tremendous loud blast above them, and the ceiling started to collapse. Dean reacted first, grabbing Cas's hands and pulling them out of the room. Dean ran, pulling Cas with him until they came to a clearing.

Cas didn't let go of their hands.

"Dean?" A voice all too familiar called out his name.

Dean's heart stopped when he saw his little brother storm up to him, wrapping his massive muscular arms around the hunter almost suffocating him. Dean let go of Cas, so he could hug Sam back.

"Heya, little brother," Dean grinned. He met Cas's eyes and mouthed a small "thank you" to Cas.

Sam pulled away, gripping Dean's shoulders, "How are you alive? Oh my god, Dean, you're alive."

There was another blast behind them. One of Castiel's followers, Katelyn, called, "commander, the building is falling and we're losing. We must leave." Her eyes fell to Dean.

"Of course, get everyone back to camp," Cas said, snapping into his leader mode.

"Commander, huh?" Dean asked, smirking.

"We'll talk later. Come on," Sam took the lead as they walked trying to avoid fighting as much as they could. Dean interlocked his hands with Cas, quickly realising how Cas's shoulders relaxed at his touch. Dean and Cas got into the back of the jeep, with Sam squeezing in along with some others. Cas was pushed up against Dean, but he didn't complain. Dean put an arm above Cas resting it on the back of the seat, so Cas leaned into his chest.

"It's great to see you, Cas," Dean muttered smiling, as they drove away.

Cas didn't say anything, but he took Dean's other hand and let his head rest on Dean's shoulder. Sam watched Cas relax, probably for the first time in years and gently smiled to himself.

\-------------------

When they arrived at the camp, Castiel was immediately called for. Cas didn't want to leave Dean, but Dean just went, "It's okay. Go. I'm not leaving, I promise."

Cas nodded, and went to his tent to find one of his men glaring back at him.

"Was he worth it? Was he worth all the soldiers we've lost in this past year?" the man, Inias, asked.

Cas breathed out trying to stay calm, "You know he is. Dean is Michael's vessel. He might be the key to stopping Michael once and for all."

Inias stepped forward, observing Castiel, "why don't you just admit what this is really about. You're in love with him. He makes you weak, Castiel."

Cas's eyes flared, "Don't forget I'm the one in charge here, Inias. Dean and I have been friends for over 10 years. And you know nothing about our relationship, so don't you dare talk back to me again."

Inias dropped his act and apologised. This is how Cas remained as the commander. Castiel was fierce and absolute. He didn't take anyone's bullshit, and he played his cards right. Castiel ruled with his head and his heart, and that's why the men and women followed him into war.

"We've lost too many good men in the battlefield for Dean," Inias said slowly.

"We're at war. We're bound to lose people, but we need to stand together. Thank you for bringing your concerns to me, you may leave," Cas said. Inias bowed a little and left hurriedly. Soon after, Sam and Dean followed into his tent.

"Inias back at it again?" Sam asked with a smug expression.

"Yes. I put him in line; he won't be bothering us again," Cas said. His eyes fell to Dean who was smiling endearingly.

"Well, look at you, commander," Dean teased. He looked cleaned up now, no blood dripping down his head.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Alright. I'm gonna go check up on the others. Cas, look after Dean."

"Of course, and spread the word: we leave for headquarters tomorrow at dawn," Cas said.

After Sam left, Cas's shoulders sagged.

"I can't believe you searched for a whole year," Dean said, closing the gap between him and his angel.

Cas eyed him, "Did you think I would give up?"

Dean smiled, "No. I always believed in you." Cas reached out, holding Dean's face in his hands and healed the rest of the wounds on Dean's face and body.

There was a bunch of people yelling outside Castiel's tent and Dean flinched turning around.

Cas noticed, "You're safe here. No more running on your own."

Dean turned back and nodded, "It wasn't easy, man. It was worse than the time my dad left me on the streets, at least there was food to steal from. Now, there's nothing, just dust and blood. I don't remember the last time I had a good meal. Or the last time I didn't have to look over my shoulder."

Cas moved his hand from Dean's shoulder down to his arm, "when we get back to headquarters, I'll make sure you have some proper food in you. You're safe with me, I promise."

Dean knew he was right. He was finally home, with his brother and his angel. Cas was the most powerful being in this entire camp and Dean knew that.

"You should- uh- get some rest," Cas said.

"Bud, I didn't bring a change of clothes," Dean said laughing.

"It's okay. I'll ask Sam to lend you some. You can stay here, with me. Sleep here, I have some things to finish anyway. When we get back, I'll give you a proper room, a proper bed, clothes, food, anything you need," Cas said.

"You're fucking awesome, Cas. I've missed you so much," Dean said, pulling Cas into another hug, the one place Dean felt fully safe and loved.

"I've missed you too. I'm so happy I found you," Cas mumbled.

"And I'm so proud of you, and Sam too. You built an army together. And you're the commander, eh?" Dean asked pulling back with a grin.

"Yeah, I didn't ask them to call me that, it kind of just happened," Cas shrugged.

"I like it. Commander. It makes you sound so… authoritative," Dean smirked.

"Alright, that's enough from you," Cas smiled, breaking away from Dean, and leaving his tent to go find Sam.

\-------------------

Cas entered his tent with a plate of food and a cup of coffee early in the morning. He saw Dean quickly pull down his shirt as he entered.

"I brought you food," Cas said. Dean thanked him and began stuffing his face. Dean was halfway into his breakfast when Sam barged in, panting heavily.

"Cas, you gotta see something," Sam said. Cas immediately rushed out and found Inias, who was kneeling over a corpse.

"Rosaline and Maria didn't come back last night. Henry found Maria's corpse, but we don't know what happened to Rosaline," Inias said.

Dean followed and halted when he saw the dead body. There was a crowd surrounding them.

Cas nodded, "Inias, prepare a small team. We'll leave to find Rosaline, dead or alive, in 10 minutes. The rest of you will return to base as planned." Inias nodded and rushed off. Cas turned, almost bumping headfirst into Dean, before quickly rushing off to his tent. He gathered his maps, but Dean stopped him.

"I'm coming with," Dean said.

"No. You're going back with Sam. This won't take long. If Rosaline is dead, we just need to find her body and return it to her girlfriend, it's the least we could do," Cas said, packing the maps into a small bag.

Dean grabbed his hand, "if you're going, I'm going."

Cas glared at him, "just because you're my friend, doesn't mean you get a free pass. I'm the one in charge here, remember? You're going back with Sam."

"Damnit, Cas! I can't- won't leave you again," Dean said, desperately. Cas looked at Dean, seeing the past year's worth of pain and loss engraved onto his face.

"I'll return in a few hours, okay? What happened last time- when the apocalypse started, it won't happen again. But this is different, Dean," Cas said.

"What if something happens to you?" Dean asked, worried.

Cas rolled his eyes, "you know I don't go down that easy." Cas placed a soft kiss on Dean's cheek, "stop worrying your ass about me, Dean. I'll be fine. Just go with Sam. He'll look after you."

Dean was stumped like his feet were drilled into the ground. He looked at Cas, speechless because Castiel had never been so openly intimate around him. 

Sam entered the tent, with a questioning look.

"Sam, take Dean to base. Give him one of the free rooms, get Kristy to cook him a good meal, and give him some of my extra clothes. I think they'll fit him better than your _extra-large_ shirts," Cas said.

Sam laughed, looking at Dean who was wearing his baggy shirts, "yeah you're probably right. You'll be okay?"

"I always am."

\-------------------

Cas went on his mission and was due to return in the morning of the next day but he didn't. Dean got anxious waiting for Cas. He didn't have Cas's number to text him, so he got it from Sam, but Cas didn't text back. Sam wasn't worried at all, because he knew Cas had secure backup. Dean got his own bedroom, his own bed, for the first time in over a year. Kristy, their cook, kept him well fed. She was around his age, maybe a bit younger, extremely attractive and Dean admired her culinary skills. Dean wore Cas's clothes and revelled in the fact that it smelled like Cas. Dean became gradually more concerned as he waited for Cas's return.

Dean was starting to settle down but it was difficult. Loud noises shook him, bright lights made him panic, and he was always on edge. Sam noticed that Dean was more jumpy than normal, but decided not to bring it up. Sam looked after Dean while they waited for Cas, he brought Dean up to speed with everything he missed over the past year. 

Dean was in his room when an alarm went off, indicating the return of the jeep. Dean sped down the halls, his anxiety rising to a maximum. He found Sam nearly the garage, watching the two jeeps to roll in. Cas got down from the first one, nodding to his friends. He saw Sam first, who smiled and welcomed him back. And then before Cas had time to think, Dean had already wrapped his arm and body around Cas.

"Fucking hell, what took you so long?" Dean asked, burying his face into Cas's neck. Cas placed a hand on Dean's waist but pulled away when he saw the other men giving him a weird side glance. 

"We got caught in a storm, halfway. I saw your messages but my phone battery died or I would have texted you back," Cas said gently. Dean squeezed Cas, one last time before letting go.

"Were you worried?" Cas asked perplexed. He looked at Dean up and down, a smile formulating when he saw that Dean was wearing his spare clothes.

"Of course, I was. Shit, Cas, I thought- I thought something happened to you," Dean said frantically.

"I'm okay, Dean. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do," Cas said, slowly pushing Dean off him.

"Oh right, sorry," Dean muttered. He watched the others pull a body out of the back. Dean's heart fell, as he realised that was probably Rosaline.

Another girl stumbled into the scene. She was blonde, and she looked paler than ever.

"Rosaline?" her voice croaked.

"We're so sorry, Maggie," Cas said.

Maggie bent over Rosaline's dead body, bawling her eyes out. Cas quickly looked at Dean, who was watching Maggie.

"We'll have to burn-" Cas was interrupted when Maggie turned on her heels and started yelling at him and Dean.

"This is your fault! She's dead because of you! Because you wanted to find him! You did this!" She yelled at Cas accusingly. 

Maggie stormed up to Dean, poking her index finger into his chest accusingly, "why should Castiel put your life before my girlfriend? What are you to him?"

Dean looked at her, speechless. But he saw it. The pain of losing your loved ones. It was written all over her face. He felt everyone's eyes drilling into him.

"Maggie, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Cas to me is what Rosaline was to you," Dean said, clear and loud.

Cas almost choked on his spit, Sam's eyes went wide, and everyone else went dead silent.

"I know what it's like. The pain you're feeling, I've felt it. I've lost Cas too many fucking times. He got ripped away from me when Michael set the world on fire and I thought everyone died. I'm truly sorry," Dean finished.

Maggie pursed her lips, still overcome with anger and pain, but she didn't raise her voice. She cried and cried, her body falling into Dean. Dean held her tightly, doing his best to comfort her. His eyes met Cas's and neither of them dared look away.

After they sent away Maggie and covered up Rosaline's body, Dean stayed out of Cas's hair. Sam checked up on Dean, but Dean was silent. He was thinking. Dean had been terrified that they would bring back Castiel's body, but instead, it was someone else. He was spared this time. But now someone else was paying the price. How many lives did Cas have to risk to save Dean? Was he even worth all that? Dean sat at the dinner table mulling things over in his head.

"Don't think too much, or your head will explode," Sam said coming up behind him. He sat next to Dean with his food.

"Dean? What's going on?" Sam asked.

Dean looked at his brother, "She was right. Rosaline and so many others are dead because of me. Because Cas spent a whole fucking year looking for me. Why didn't you stop him?"

Sam sighed, "you don't think I tried? I tried telling him you were dead. I told him to move on. But Cas knew deep down, you were still alive. Cas never gave up on you. You weren't there. Dean, it's like he was so sure you were alive, it's not like he went crazy or that he was in denial. He just knew. He put together this army, this place. He built friendships, relationships, brought people together, and gave them hope- even when he was running low himself. He found out everything he could about Michael and his monsters. He sent out teams to fight monsters, save people and a separate team to look for you. He had everything together. That's why people here respect him and look to him for guidance and support. Cas is their light. Cas saved them and gave them a reason to fight. When I lost hope, Cas never did."

Dean bit his lips, "I'm acting like an annoying clingy girlfriend, aren't I?"

Sam smirked, "A little bit, yeah. But nobody here blames you. Maggie was just hurt and upset, you get it. Dean, I was there... That day… This almost broke Cas, so I can't imagine the shit you went through."

Dean closed his eyes trying not to remember that traumatic day.

_The world erupted below them. Fire, lava, and smoke incinerated all living creatures as it consumed the world. Sam, Dean and Cas had been outside the bunker, watching everything, when it hit them. The ground beneath them split open. Cas and Sam had been on one side, Dean on the other. Dean tried to hold onto Cas's hand, screaming Cas's name and begging him not to let go. But Cas let go. He had to. Or else Dean would fall into the crack below them. The sky turned dim and the trees began collapsing. Cas called for Dean, but it was too late. Sam pulled Cas away, desperately trying not to look at his brother he had to leave behind. Cas's eyes never left Dean's until he really had to go._

Dean opened his eyes again.

"How did he even know I was alive?" Dean asked.

"I think he felt it. He felt you," Sam said.

\-------------------

Dean found Cas in his room, head buried in maps and files.

"Hey, feathers. You busy?" Dean asked, poking his head out.

Cas looked up, his expression softening as he looked at Dean, "no, come on in." Dean entered. Cas's room was nice, there was a small section of guns and weapons, a huge table with little figurines, that Dean assumed were his battle plans. Cas stood up from his desk.

"Anything I can help with?" Dean asked.

"Maybe later. I'm just trying to figure out some stuff. Why are you here, Dean?" Cas asked.

"I- uh- just wanted to see you," Dean said nervously.

Cas smiled softly, "well, that's nice of you. Is everything okay?"

Cas could always read in between the lines. He knew when Dean was lying out of his teeth, or when Dean was hurting but refused to show it.

Dean paused, "I- uh- it's hard not having you around. I thought I lost you. I thought that was it. And now I got you back and..."

Cas frowned, "The past year must have been hell for you. I can't imagine the pain... how much you must have suffered on the streets, just running, hiding and fighting Michael's monsters."

"I can deal with all of that just fine. What hurt most is being away from you and Sam," Dean stared down at his shoes.

Cas sighed, closing the papers and stashing them away. He pulled Dean into him, as he leaned against the edge of his desk.

"I'm right here. With you," Cas said, playing with Dean's fingers.

"Cas, if you're fighting, I want to fight with you. I don't want to come off as this clingy bitch. I want to help. I'm useful you know, not just a pretty face. I want to prove I was worth saving," Dean said.

"You don't have anything to prove, not to me or anyone. You know you can see me and talk to me whenever you want. Yeah, I'm fighting a war, but people like you remind me what I'm fighting for," Cas said calmly.

"We're a mess, aren't we?" Dean laughed.

"We always have been," Cas smirked, "you can stay with me tonight if you want. I don't know if I'll be sleeping much with everything going on, but you can sleep here."

Dean smiled, "Thanks for the offer, Cas. But I- um- don't want your guys thinking I'm sleeping with the commander. Or that you have a favourite. You have a reputation to keep. I see the way they look at us, anyway, I'm not a _complete_ idiot."

Cas laughed, shaking his head, "They're just not used to it. I never get close to anyone, and they know that. So when you came along, it's thrown everyone off. They'll get used to you, don't worry. And I don't care about what they think. I only care that you're well and happy."

Dean looked down, blushing all sorts of maroons and reds, "thanks, Cas. I should get going."

"Goodnight, Dean."

Dean muttered a small "goodnight" back and hurriedly left the room. Cas stared back at him. He felt a weird weight in his left pocket and pulled out a note that read,

_Thank you for saving me… again._

_Yours always,_

_Dean._


	2. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to settle down in his new home, but it proves to be more difficult than he had initially thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:   
> Legendary- Skillet

The next day, Cas went to check up on Dean because he missed breakfast and Cas started to worry. Sam said he probably just slept in but Cas had to check for himself. Dean wasn't one to skip a meal especially when other people were cooking  _ for him _ . He went to Dean's room, knocking before opening the door. Dean was in his bed, awake but not moving.

"Dean?" Cas asked, highly confused.

"Hey Cas, you can come in," Dean grumbled, in his low morning voice. He pulled down the covers a little and pushed his head out.

Cas looked at Dean a little lost, "why aren't you dressed?"

Dean groaned, "I just wanted to sleep in for once. Nothing big, I'm fine, I swear. It's just nice to sleep in a bed." So, Sam was right.

"Okay well if you're fine then-" there was another knock on the door.

Katelyn opened the door. Her eyes shifted from Dean to Cas, "Commander, David and Inias are fighting in the dining area."

Cas frowned giving a small exasperated sigh, and he turned away from Dean and rushed out the room. Dean quickly got dressed, and by dressed, he just put on a coat and slippers and followed Cas.

David, a tall, slim, dark-haired man, was yelling at Inias, "He is nothing!"

"What's going on here?" Cas demanded.

"Nothing, commander," Inias said, shying away lowering his head respectfully.

Cas turned to David, "David? Is there something you would like to tell me?"

David's angry eyes flickered from Dean to Cas, "Actually yeah, there is. A few of us saw Dean Winchester coming out of your room last night, care to explain?"

Cas shrugged, "He was offering help. We still don't know where Michael is."

"Oh, and is that _ all _ you two did?" David snapped. Cas saw Dean shift his weight from one foot to another from his peripheral vision.

Cas quickly pieced it together remembering Dean's voice in his head,  _ I don't want your guys thinking I'm sleeping with the commander. _

Cas glared at him, remaining unshaken and posed, "if you're indicating Dean and I have a thing going on or that we slept together, then you are greatly mistaken." Sam on the other side of the room, almost choked on his glass of water, his eyes bulging out of his sockets.

"Castiel, we know what this is about. You don't have to lie to us," David said, "we know you love this man. Why else would you have searched for him for an entire year? We just want to make sure you remain focused on the mission."

" _ Focused? _ I am focused. Sam and Dean are my closest friends, my family. Dean got pulled away from me, and as his friend, I had to find him. Dean and I are _ friends. _ And he is here to help. He is Michael's sword, we can use him to track Michael, I just haven't figured out how, but I intend to. David, I think  _ you're  _ the one who isn't focused, as you seem to be far more interested in my non-existent sex life. It shouldn't matter who I spend the night with, what matters is that we finish what we started," Cas said firmly, looking at every single person in the room dead in the eye. Dean felt a shiver run up his spine.

"Does anyone else have a problem with my sex life?" Cas asked challengingly.

David flushed, embarrassed, "my apologies, commander, I only wanted what's best for you."

Cas scowled at him, "then maybe next time you would like to bring up your concerns directly to me in private, instead of flocking around behind my back and starting meaningless arguments with others. Have I made myself clear?"

Everyone nodded, even Sam.

Cas dismissed them, and they all dispersed. Cas met Sam's eyes across the room and quickly looked away. Cas turned knowing Dean was behind him, "Dean?"

Dean excused himself and left, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. David, Inias and a few others watched as Cas called after Dean, chasing behind him. Cas caught up to Dean in the hallway, quickly grabbing his hand.

"Dean, I'm sorry," Cas said quickly.

"No, no, it's my fault. I knew this was going to happen. I'm sorry," Dean muttered, avoiding Cas's eyes.

"You have nothing to apologise for, Dean. David is a bit hot-headed and close-minded like that. He just needs someone to keep him in line," Cas said. Dean nodded and quickly stuttered away.

\-------------------

Castiel had a meeting with his close inner circle, including Sam. He had to know how his team was doing, who they lost, and what their plans were. Dean got brought up a few times, but Sam and Cas brushed it aside.

"So, have we found a way to track Michael yet?" One of the women, Lily, asked, her brown ponytail flinging in the air as she spoke.

"Not yet. I think we can use Dean to track Michael, but I haven't figured out how to track him without being tracked myself," Cas said, biting his lips nervously.

"We need a witch. Is Rowena still around?" Inias asked.

Sam nodded, "I keep in touch with her. I can ask her?" He looked at Cas, who agreed to ask Rowena. But Cas knew his men weren't ready to fight Michael himself, not yet anyway.

"Tomorrow, I want everyone on the training grounds by 10 am. I want Dean to help you fight and become better hunters. Sam, you can help too," Cas said.

Sam looked stunned, "Is Dean okay with this?"

"I asked him a few hours ago, and he said yes. If it'll help us be stronger and fight better, he's down for it," Cas replied, "we're good, we're strong, but we're no match for Michael. I don't want to lose anyone else."

The people around him agreed in hushed voices. Cas dismissed them, and Sam left to call Rowena.

\-------------------

The next day, Cas went on his rounds, checking up on everyone and making quiet conversation. One of the ladies, Dorothea, was 6 months pregnant. Cas talked to her, asked her about her baby and how she was feeling. Cas checked up on the kids, the teenagers and youngsters. He was close friends with Clarissa, the girl with locks as dark as the night sky and a personality like fire. Clarissa broke her arm last week when she accidentally fell down the stairs but her friends were helping her get through it. Cas spoke with the parents- the fathers that fought alongside him, the mothers that helped him run the place. Cas made sure everyone felt like they were home.

It was time for the training session. Everyone was used to Sam's training sessions, but nobody knew what to expect from Dean. Men and women lined up, ready to learn. Dean paired them up and asked each pair to fight, so he could assess their fighting ability and skills. Even Sam had to admit this was a good idea. He didn't care if women went up against men, everyone was fighting to survive. When the fights got too violent and personal, Sam and Dean would step in and pull the contestants apart. Dean knew Cas was watching, and he wanted to impress him, to show that he could do something right for once. Dean split the class into half, one half for Sammy to teach, and the other for him. Sam taught more physical martial art skills, while Dean constructed a shooting session. He soon realised that some people were brilliant with hand on hand combat but absolute shit aims.

"I need a volunteer!" Dean yelled. His eyes fell to Cas who was standing in the corner, "Cas, come on over."

Cas grunted, and dragged his feet.

"Yes? What did I  _ not  _ volunteer for?" Cas asked.

"These might be your soldiers, but you're in  _ my  _ class, so shut your piehole, got it?" Dean asked, an annoying grin playing on his lips. Cas fought the urge to punch him there and then.

Dean wanted to demonstrate how to, first of all, hold a gun properly, and how to aim and shoot, for the beginners, intermediates and everyone in between. Dean gave Cas a gun, knowing damn well that Cas was a bad shot.

"Go on," Dean smirked.

Cas muttered a small "fuck you", and tried his best.

"Your leader is a crap shot. Frankly, I don't know how you put up with him," Dean grinned. He got a few laughs from the crowd.

Dean asked Cas to hold the gun again, but not to shoot. Cas did as he was told.

"When you aim, you gotta relax. See, Cas, here, he's always been a bit jumpy. Adrenaline always running high. But you gotta breathe. You gotta ease your hands, like so," Dean stood behind Cas, wrapped his hands around Cas's hands around the gun.

"Relax, Cas. I ain't gonna bite," Dean muttered.

"You do, sometimes," Cas murmured back.

Cas didn't have to see it, but he knew Dean was grinning, "just breathe, angel."

Cas tried to ignore the incredible heat between them and breathed in and out. He couldn't focus on anything except Dean calling him ' _ angel'  _ which rarely happened, and Dean's breath brushing on the nape of his neck. Dean's touch, now more than ever, felt like lava, burning through his skin.

Once Dean realised Cas had calmed down, he spoke up, "when you're relaxed, you aim. Then you take a breath, pull the trigger and let it go."

Dean lifted the gun expertly, put his face next to Cas, trying to aim as best as he could, and pulled the trigger. The recoil from the gun was strong, but Dean kept Cas's hands steady. When they looked up, Dean got a bullseye.

"See? No big!" Dean grinned, pulling himself away. Cas was so sure he had gone red all over so he didn't lookup. Dean asked the others to pair up and try.

Dean smirked at Cas, "I can't believe after all this time you still can't shoot a gun properly."

Cas rolled his eyes, "I have powers, I don't need a gun."

Dean eyed him, "Maybe I'll just have to give you some more... personal lessons."

Cas looked at him, refusing to react and give Dean any satisfaction of winning, "Maybe. Now go back to your lesson."

\-------------------

The day finished quickly before they realised it. Rowena called back, saying she'll meet them tomorrow and Cas wasn't looking forward to it. Dean and Sam agreed to continue their training tomorrow evening after meeting with Rowena.

Night drew in and Cas was exhausted. He was in his room, in his head thinking and overthinking, that he didn't hear Dean come into his room and sneak up behind him.

"Cas?" Dean asked. Cas jumped, stunned by Dean's voice and turned around, nearly bumping his forehead into Dean.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Cas asked.

"Gee, nice to see ya too," Dean mumbled, "you've been quiet today. What's up?"

Cas avoided his gaze, "I'm just worried about tomorrow."

"You mean with Rowena? I'm sure everything will be fine," Dean said.

"You know that's not true. Since when does anything go right for us?" Cas asked, with a massive sigh.

"Hey, I wanted to apologise about training. I realise what I did was stupid and childish and I just.." Dean scratched his head, "I wanted to impress you. I wanted to- to show you I belong here in your team. Cas, I don't want special treatment or whatever bullshit. I want to earn it."

Cas scowled, "Dean, you already have earned it, like over the past 10 years that I've known you."

"Cas, that's not what I meant! I mean, I want to show these people that I'm one of them. I don't want to fuck all this up for you," Dean said.

"You worry too much, Dean. Seriously," said Cas.

"That dude, David, he's still unsure about me," Dean mumbled.

"Dean, stop trying to please everyone here. What's gotten into you? You're not normally like this," Cas said, watching Dean.

"I just- these are your people, Cas. People that you fought with, bled for. These people placed their trust in you. I don't want to storm in here, with my shit attitude, my worries and fears, and my never-ending stray of bad luck."

Cas laughed, "People like you for who you are, Dean. Don't ever change. And these people are good, I know them. And yes, they have their doubts, but I put my faith in them the same way they put their faith in me. You are my friend. Nothing will ever change that. I need you, Dean. The past year was torturous, not knowing where you were. Knowing I couldn't reach you. It sucked. And I'm never letting you go again."

Dean smiled, "Is this going to become a thing now? Me seeing you late at night?"

Cas groaned, "my invitation still stands."

"What invitation?"

"A few nights ago, I told you you can stay here if you want," Cas said quietly.

"Sweetheart, this bed ain't big enough to handle both of us," Dean chuckled.

"My doors are always open to you, either way," Cas said with a smile. Dean blushed lightly, but it was enough for Cas to notice.

"Now get out of here before you get me into more trouble," Cas grinned.

Dean laughed, "fuck you, Cas."


	3. Let It Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Let It Burn - Citizen Soldier

"Rowena, it's like 10 am," Sam said exasperatedly, watching the witch chug down a glass of wine. 

Dean walked in with a smirk on his face, "finally someone who can appreciate the art of day drinking."

"You guys are weird," said Sam. He gently placed the books down on the table, alongside a mortar and pestle.

Castiel walked in after his morning rounds, looking extremely concerned.

They decided to move to one of the empty unoccupied rooms so Rowena will have plenty of space to perform her spells.

"How does this work?" Castiel asked.

"Well, first, I will cast a spell that will cloak my magic, so that Michael won't know he's being tracked and  _ he  _ won't be able to track us either. Then, I'll have to search for that connection between the vessel and its archangel. It's not easy because Dean never said yes to Michael so we don't have that direct link, but the connection should still be there," Rowena said. She began preparing a bowl of odd ingredients, Sam helping her crush the rest in the mortar.

"And... will this procedure hurt?" asked the angel.

Rowena nodded, "It will, I won't lie. Dean will have to go to one of his happy memories and hold onto that."

"As if I have any of those," Dean muttered, sitting down on the chair next to the table. Cas stood beside him.

"Alright, I think we're ready. Samuel, why don't you cast the spell for me, dear?" Rowena asked, straightening her tight maroon dress.

Sam mixed the ingredients in the bowl and muttered a bunch of foreign words. They watched as purple smoke rose out of the bowl. Rowena asked for Dean's hand, which Dean offered, and closed her eyes. Rowena began working her magic, weaving it into Dean, trying to find that connection between the vessel and its angel. Rowena's magic burned into Dean's soul and Dean gritted his teeth. It was literally burning into his soul. Sam quickly glanced at Cas, disconcerted and worried. Cas took Dean's other hand, just for comfort, and they waited.

After a few agonising and torturous moments, Rowena pulled back and Dean gasped letting go of Rowena's hand as if it were fire.

"I have an idea where he is," Rowena said, rushing off to grab one of Castiel's maps. Cas held Dean's hand, letting Dean rest and recover with his head on the back of his seat.

"Here," Rowena gave the map to Sam, pointing into the middle of nowhere.

"Oh fuck, that's a huge space. We'll have to split teams and search the area. Anyways, thank you, Rowena," Sam said.

"You boys are insane to have to do this, honestly. But then again, are we surprised?" She sang, "Oh and Castiel, do look after Dean for a bit, my dear. Use your grace to help him recover... it should counteract my magic."

Castiel nodded, "Thank you."

Rowena smiled at the boys, and winked at Sam who got flustered, "I'll see you around, boys."

Sam guided Rowena out of their headquarters. Cas stayed with Dean who had his eyes closed as if he was meditating.

"I feel like my insides got flame-roiled," Dean muttered before Cas could even ask how he was doing.

Dean tried to stand up, but his muscles went stiff and his skin felt like it was on fire. Dean's knees buckled, and he would have fallen over had Cas not caught him by his waist.

"Fucking shit," Dean muttered. His head was throbbing, but now every part of his body was aching and he didn't know what hurt most.

Cas frowned, "just let me heal you." Cas closed his eyes wrapping Dean up in his grace. Dean suddenly felt much cooler. His head stopped beating, his muscles relaxed, and his skin cooled down as if Cas just put out a flame with some water. Dean closed his eyes, his head feeling much clearer. 

"Thanks for the help, Cas, but your hands are still on my waist," Dean said, shakily. Cas apologised, watching carefully as Dean stood up and stretched.

Dean looked at Cas endearingly and immediately ripped his eyes away when Inais and David walked in.

"Well? Did the witch help?" David asked. Dean did not like David's attitude at all.

"Her name is Rowena, dickward. And yes, she has an idea where Michael is," Dean said.

_ "An idea?"  _ David asked, challenging Dean.

"It's not easy to pinpoint Michael's location, and I almost got my insides fried from her magic, so yeah,  _ an idea, _ " Dean hissed back.

"Alright, that's enough, both of you," Cas ordered. David glared at Dean who stared back sending silent daggers at the other man. Sam walked in with the map in his hands. The area Rowena marked was a big one. Cas wanted to know what they were dealing with before going headfirst into a battle they knew nothing about. And not to mention they still didn't have a weapon to kill Michael. Cas called a meeting with everyone tonight, at the place they called the great hall. When David and Inais left to spread the message, Sam turned to face Cas.

"What are you planning?" Sam asked.

"I think we should send out small teams first, get to know the area and what we're dealing with. Once we have an accurate location on Michael, we can strike. And we need to find that archangel blade too," Cas said.

Sam shifted under his feet, "Cas, I don't think these people are ready to take on Michael."

Cas looked down, "I know, Sam. I don't know if they'll ever be ready. I don't want to send these men and women into battle. Most of them have families they may never return to. I can't- I shouldn't have to ask that from them."

Dean, who had been silent the whole time, came up next to Cas, "Unless we can find a different solution."

Sam narrowed his eyes, "Dean, there is none."

"Well, you could always use me as bait. Lure Michael out. Let him think he won, and then we fight. We'll have a better chance then," Dean said.

Cas instantly shook his head, "I'm not putting your life at risk, Dean. Michael is ruthless, and he doesn't care who you are."

"Yeah, but I'm his vessel, his sword, right? He won't kill me just yet. Let me be of use to you guys. We don't have to send these people into a meat grinder. I can take Michael," Dean said.

"No, you can't. And Cas is right, you're not doing this, case closed. We still need a way to kill Michael first. There was an archangel blade at the bunker, but I don't know if the bunker is still standing," Sam said.

"Dean and I will check out the bunker tomorrow," Cas said, thinking.

Sam nodded and glared at Dean, "Stop risking your life as if you mean nothing. You mean everything to us, Dean." Sam left as quickly as he came. Dean didn't wait for Cas to give him the same lecture as Sam, so he took off as well.

\-------------------

Sam went through his nighttime rounds before calling it a day. They had their meeting where different teams were arranged to search for Michael using the maps. 

Sam was exhausted, however, he still checked up with everyone, making sure everyone was okay, made sure their system was running, security was up and going, and then he went to see Cas.

Cas was hunched over his desk, head in his hands, when he heard a small knock.

"Cas, it's me," Sam said.

"Come in, Sam," Cas mumbled, trying to clean his desk up a little.

Sam glanced at Cas, lifting his eyebrows in question.

"Sam, I don't know what to do," Cas said.

The hunter pulled up a chair and sat in front of Cas's desk, "talk to me."

"Our people aren't ready to fight Michael. Maybe Dean was right," Cas said slowly.

Sam shook his head, "No, Dean's just being his self-sacrificing… self. Look, first things first, we try to retrieve the archangel blade from the bunker. Then we'll deal with this. We're not putting Dean in more danger, or using him."

"I don't like the idea any more than you, Sam. I don't want to use Dean, but maybe, maybe, we should. Dean can drive Michael out. That way we won't have to send these people into a war they can't win. Once we pull Michael out, we can kill him," Cas said.

"Cas, no. Michael is so powerful as he is, if he finds Dean, then he'll either trick him to saying yes or kill Dean on the spot," Sam said desperately.

"Dean's stronger than that. But... alright, we'll take it one step at a time."

Cas looked at Sam, frowning. Time and history have not been kind to Sam Winchester. He looked exhausted, a little smaller albeit his height and stance. Sam's heart was still true, but his words were harsh sometimes. He was stern and ruled more with his head than his heart. But ever since they got Dean back, Sam had been conflicted. Cas knew he was fighting a battle, one between doing the right thing and keeping his brother safe. Sam and Cas talked more, some about their missions, training, and Dean.

"Is Dean okay?" Sam asked Cas.

"How do you mean?" Cas asked confused. He folded up his work neatly.

"I'm just checking up. You and he have been getting pretty close lately. Just wanted to make sure he didn't blow up at you or something. I love my brother but God, he drives me up the fucking wall sometimes," Sam said.

Cas chuckled lightly, "He does, doesn't he? But Dean is well. I think. Your training sessions with him are helping him settle down and has given him something to focus on. I know a few of the mothers have gotten particularly fond of him, and the kids too."

Sam smirked, "Well, you know Dean's charm- it's always on."

"Don't worry about him, Sam. I'll look after him," Cas said.

Sam smiled fondly, "I know, Cas. You always do." Sam stood up, returning the chair. He said his goodnights and left Castiel to his thoughts. Castiel sighed, staring at the mess in his desk- papers everywhere, pens and pencils in places he didn't know existed. He tried to clean up as much as he could, and then went to the bathroom for a wash. Angels didn't need to shower or clean up, but Cas enjoyed it. He enjoyed feeling the warmth of the water droplets on his skin. It gave him some time to clear his head. He cleaned up and changed into a normal shirt and his trousers. Once he got ready for bed, there was an unexpected knock on his door. He assumed it was Dean, and went to open it but instead, there was a little girl in her nightgown.

"Clarissa? My dear, what are you doing here?" Cas asked, bending to her level.

"I had a nightmare, and wanted to see you," she said in her quiet voice.

Cas smiled, "come on in, sweetheart."

Clarissa entered, admiring Cas's room. It was pretty basic because Cas didn't really need much to function and they were in the middle of a war so having a nice room wasn't exactly his number one priority.

Cas closed the door behind him, and got on the bed, beckoning the child to join him. Clarissa only had her mom around, her dad had died when the war began, so she had always looked up to Cas for a father figure. Cas was always kind to her, as he was to all the other kids, but there was something special about this little girl in particular that he couldn't pinpoint. Clarissa snuggled up next to Cas, putting her head on his chest.

"I like Dean," she said unexpectedly.

"Really? That's great to hear," said Cas.

Clarissa beamed up at Cas, her eyes sparkling as she went, "Yeah. He said he'll help me become a fighter, just like the rest of you. He's awesome and very kind. I don't see why some of the others are so harsh to him, honestly."

"Well, you can't please everyone," Cas pulled the covers over them both.

Clarissa nodded, "That's very true. I hope Dean knows how much you love him. He's a good man, and so are you. So is Sam. I'm glad we have you guys." She cuddled in closer and Cas waited as she fell asleep. Cas was watching over the little girl when he saw the door handle turn, and Dean's head poked in. He was about to say something but he saw the little body of warmth snuggling into Cas, and just smiled.

"All good?" Dean whispered.

Cas nodded, keeping his eyes firm on Dean. Dean grinned, whispered a gentle goodnight and very slowly closed the door again. Cas relaxed back into his pillow as he decided maybe now was a good time to finally get some sleep.


	4. Locked Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Rise Up- Zayde Wolf

Dean and Cas arrived at the bunker with David, Inias and Kristy in their small truck. The bunker was in pieces, the building covered in stone and dust. Dean went in from the back, Cas at his heels and saw his beautiful Impala with a huge slab of stone placed in the middle. Its windows were shattered, the seats absolutely wrecked and there was a massive hole in the windshield.

"Oh, Baby," Dean said, sprinting to his child. Dean caressed the hood of the car and gave it a small kiss.

"Dean, come on," Cas pushed on.

Dean let go of Baby, painstakingly. They went inside the bunker, Inias, David and Kristy going to the right, and Dean and Castiel to the left. There was hardly anything left worth salvaging. They had to pull and push stones and rocks out of the way to create a path. Dean knew the archangel blade was probably somewhere in one of the storage rooms, nicely locked up, but how were they supposed to find anything in this mess?

"Shit, it's all ruined. Our home..." Dean said, kicking a rock to the side.

"We built a new home, Dean," Cas said, trying to ease Dean's worries.

Dean turned around quickly, "No, Cas, you don't get it. Before this, Sam and I were always on the road, but then we found the bunker. It was our home. All these years we spent together, fighting, arguing, laughing, this place holds those memories. And now, everything's gone. And we're storming into a fight we might not even come back from."

Cas held Dean's shoulder firmly, "Those memories are still here," Cas put his other hand to Dean's heart, "your home was always with the  _ people _ , Dean. Sam, Me, Claire, Jody, it's with the people, not a building. I'm sorry about Baby, I know you really loved her, but you have to let her go."

Dean gritted his teeth, "It's not fair. After everything we went through, we deserve to be fucking happy."

Cas smiled sadly, "since when have we ever gotten what we want?"

Dean sighed, it was true, "you know, after what happened, I thought you and Sam died. The bunker fell. I couldn't find Baby. I just ran and I kept running. There were times when- when I wanted it all to stop."

"So, what made you decide to stay?" Cas asked quietly.

_ "You." _

Cas looked at Dean, who looked absolutely drained and exhausted.

"I wasn't sure about Sam, but I knew you wouldn't go down that easy. You're an angel, Cas. You're way harder to kill. I prayed to you. In the morning and at night, for months. Until I gave up," Dean said, his eyes pleading.

Cas frowned, "Oh, Dean, I'm sorry, I never got your prayers. I never heard from you. Maybe Heaven is just as broken as the world down here…"

Dean sighed, "Whatever."

Dean ducked under the slab of stone blocking his pathway and entered the room. He quickly realised, within the wreckage, that this was  _ his _ room. The hunter stopped walking, leaning over and staring at a bunch of papers. He held them delicately between his fingers. They were photographs. Him and mom. Him and Sam. Him, Sam and Bobby. The last one, with just him and Cas. Cas leaned over Dean's shoulder curiously.

"I remember that day. You and I went out to this carnival place because you said you had never been to a carnival before. There was that shooting game, and you shot all those bottles down without breaking a sweat. Everyone was so impressed. You got me that weird dragon plushy as a gift- it was cute. And then we went to dinner and-" Cas's smile faded.

Dean stood up, sighing, "Yeah I remember. We went to dinner and we fought."

Cas looked away, backing up slowly.

"Cas, let's not think about it. We fight a lot anyway. I mean, it's not Dean and Cas until we fall out and fuck each other up at least once a week," Dean laughed.

This made Cas smile, "Dean, we were happy."

Dean gazed at the angel, "We still can be. I refuse to let Michael take everything away from me. He took away the bunker, my Baby. He almost took you and Sam away from me. After we defeat that bastard, I'm taking my life back. After all of this is over, you and me, I want-" Dean suddenly felt light-headed.

"Dean?" Cas asked.

"Nothing, forget it."

"I think I know what you're trying to say," Cas said causing Dean to look up, "I was thinking about it too a while ago. Maybe after this is all over, we can move out together. Find a small place and settle down. Try to clean up all this mess Michael stirred up. Sam can take over the camp. He makes a good leader, and I trust his instincts."

Dean was too caught up in the first sentence to be thinking about Sam, "Wait, you- you want to settle down?"

Cas blinked, "Of course, Dean. It's easier to look after you that way. Unless- unless this isn't what you want."

Dean felt numb and light-headed again, "No, no, Cas, no. I want this. It's a nice thought but bold of you to assume we'll make it out of this alive."

Cas rolled his eyes, "Trust you to kill the mood."

Dean bit his lips, "Wait, are you sure?"

_ "Dean." _

"You want to  _ live _ with me? Like- for the rest of our lives?" The idea was unfathomable to Dean. The idea that someone, as amazing and as powerful as Castiel, would want to settle down with a broken human like himself.

"Do I need to repeat it in Spanish?" Cas asked with an annoying smirk playing on his lips.

Dean shook his head at Cas, "God, you're insufferable."

"Well, I learnt from the best," the angel smiled, before continuing his search.

Dean and Cas stumbled over the rubbles and dirt until they came to, what looked like a room, with piles of boxes laying on the floor.

Nearly falling over one of the boxes, Dean tried to move some of the large slabs of stone away.

"Fucking hell, how are we supposed to find anything in here?" Dean asked, coughing as the dust attacked his lungs viciously.

Cas was silent for a while, before he went, "Hold on, Dean, come here."

Dean almost tripped again, but he managed to go to Cas's side. Cas was holding a long box in his hands.

"Well?" Dean asked. Cas slowly opened the box to reveal the archangel blade inside, safely tucked away.

"Jackpot!" Dean grinned. Cas closed the box again and beckoned Dean to leave. They found the rest of the team and were about to head out back in the jeep when there was a shrilling scream behind them. All five of them turned on their heels, whacking out angel blades, guns and any other weapon they could get their hands on. A monster approached them, one they had never faced before.

"What the fuck is that?" Dean asked.

The monster was almost human, just, almost. Almost in the sense that it couldn't articulate coherent English words and the fact that it had blue-black veins bulging out of its body.

"I'm no expert, but it looks infected," Kristy said. Dean backed up slowly so that he had Kristy on one side and Cas on his other.

The monster unexpectedly sprinted forward, going to attack Inias but he was ready. He swung his angel blade expertly and made a small cut on the arm. The monster didn't seem to notice that it was bleeding out black goo but continued to attack. It went after Kristy next, but Dean swooped forward punching the monster in the jaw. The monster stumbled back and screamed hoarsely at Dean, who only replied with, "shut the fuck up," and kicked it down. Cas grabbed one of the machetes from their bags and swung it decapitating the monster.

"What in the holy hell was that?" Kristy asked.

"Is Michael making monsters now?" David grumbled.

"Hell, if I know. Look let's just head back," said Dean.

"Wait. We should take a sample of this blood back with us to Rowena. Maybe she can find out what this thing is," Cas leaned in to touch the blood but Dean caught his hand.

"Idiot, stop. Kristy said it looked infected and she's right. What if Michael created an infection, something like Croatoan. We don't know how it spreads or anything, so don't touch it. Rowena needs to come down here and examine the body for herself. I'll call Sam," Dean left to the side, pulling out his phone.

\-------------------

It was a while before Rowena followed with Sam and two others in another jeep. She stepped out in her red dress and black heels and manoeuvred her way around.

"Boys, what have we here?" She asked in her thick accent. She kneeled down near the monster and the pool of blood.

Sam turned to Dean and Cas, "you guys are okay?"

Dean replied, "yeah."

Rowena cast a spell to magically lift and transport the blood into a secure plastic bag without laying a finger on it. She was delicate and quick and stood up with the bag in her hands.

"We'll take this back and I'll perform some spells to figure out what's going on," She said, nodding to Sam. They all hopped back into their jeeps and hurried away before more monsters had another chance to strike. Cas was riding shotgun as Dean drove and he noticed the photographs from earlier on poking out of Dean's jacket. Cas smiled to himself as he relaxed back into his seat. 


	5. Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Sometimes Love- UNSECRET and Chuck Adams

The blood sample had been very helpful, yet caused distress and mayhem all around. Rowena had found out from the sample that Michael was trying to create a new species, a hybrid of vampires and werewolves, and this was the result. And apparently, he had succeeded. Everyone seemed to be in a state of panic. Michael was already winning without his hybrid of monsters but now they had another set of new monsters to deal with. Could this get any worse?

They let Rowena stay over because it was way too late to send her back.

Sam found Dean in his room, reading, which was pretty rare.

"I didn't know you could read," Sam teased.

Dean slammed the book shut, "You're a pain in my ass, Sammy. What's up?"

"Just wanted to see how my ass of a brother was holding up," Sam grinned. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm okay. This is like our fourth apocalypse, you get used to it after a while," Dean smirked.

Sam burst out laughing, "You're not wrong. Talk to Cas? He was pretty quiet before."

"He's probably just stressed out with everything going on. I wanted to give him some space. Anyway, what's with this hybrid business?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't know, but I don't like it. We need to be more prepared."

"But how do we prepare to fight against a new species of monsters we know jack about?" Dean asked, sighing. Sam bit his lips, nervously. They talked some more about the new monsters, trying to figure out what was happening but after a while, Sam gave in to his exhaustion and returned to his room.

\-------------------

The new day arose and Rowena had already left, leaving a note to Sam just saying  _ "You owe me big time, Samuel."  _

Dean eyed his brother and went, "What's with you and Rowena?"

Sam turned a whole new shade of pink, "Nothing! Nothing."

Dean wiggled his eyebrows as they went for breakfast, which was porridge. The brothers sat together to eat, Dean catching the sight of Castiel entering the cafeteria section looking completely drained.

"Do you think angels need sleep?" Dean asked, nodding to Cas. Sam turned his head to look.

"Cas probably does. I'll talk to him, make sure he rests up," Sam said. Cas caught Dean staring and nodded. Dean quickly looked away much to Sam's amusement.

"So, what's with you and Cas?" Sam teased, throwing the question back at Dean.

Dean narrowed his eyes and glared at his brother, " _ Nothing." _

Sam laughed as he dug into his food, earning a quick death glare from Dean.

They continued training as some teams were sent out to search for Michael using the map and guide from Rowena and her tracking spell. Dean was in the middle of the showing a young boy how to knock someone out when Cas approached him.

"Dean, may I have a quick word with you?" Cas asked. He saw Sam give him a questioning look.

Dean excused himself and went to Cas, "sup?"

"I'm leaving to look for Michael in a few minutes with a different team and I'm leaving you and Sam in charge," Cas said.

"Wait, I'll come with you," Dean said immediately.

"No, it's alright. I need you here," Cas replied.

Dean shifted under his feet, "Cas, this is dangerous. Let me go with you."

"I appreciate your concern, Dean. But please, I would prefer if you stayed here."

Dean sighed and nodded. Sometimes, there was no arguing with Cas. Cas asked Dean to tell Sam where he would be going before leaving. Cas was about to exit the training grounds when he stopped and turned to look back at the boys. Sam was in his world, showing how important knife throwing was to a bunch of people. Cas turned his attention to Dean, who had sensed Cas was staring. They made quick eye contact before Cas ripped his eyes away, and walked away. Cas knew he could trust the boys to run this place in his absence. He was also especially proud of how Dean has been coping, Dean's PTSD has been much better, and his anger remained in check.

Castiel found his team and they jumped into the jeep. The team consisted of Castiel, Inias, and four other soldiers whom Cas trusted most. They arrived at the spot, parking deep in the trees soundlessly. Cas flipped his angel blade expertly in his hands, ready for a fight if need be. They split up: one pair scavenge the northern areas, another pair search the east, and the last pair search the west. Castiel paired with Joseph, who was one of the first people he and Sam had recruited into their team. Joseph was kind and soft sometimes but a ruthless killer when he had to be. They search the eastern areas, treading through the trees. Cas asked how Joseph was doing and made light conversation.

"Castiel, I need your opinion on something," The light-haired man said. Cas turned to see Joseph frozen to the ground, looking incredibly nervous.

Cas walked over, "What is it?"

"You know, Alex and I have been doing well lately. I was thinking about asking him to marry me," Joseph blurted out.

Cas's eyes softened as he smiled, "If you feel you're both ready for the next step, then I think you should go ahead. Alex has always been good to you, Joseph. He's been through all of his pain, and loss with you. And now, with Michael and these new monsters and everything, I don't know what's going to happen the next day."

Joseph nodded, "Exactly. I just don't know if I'm rushing into all this."

"Have you spoken to Alex about marriage and the next step of your relationship?" Cas asked, tilting his head.

"Yeah, he's cool with it. He wants it, I know that much," Joseph said quietly.

Cas smiled, "Then you have your answer."

Joseph sighed, grinning and shaking his head, "For an angel, you give good advice on relationships."

Cas chuckled lightly, his eyes crinkling as he did, "I've been on Earth long enough to understand human emotions and feelings. It's complicated sure, but sometimes it really is not. Humans tend to make things more complicated than it should be, I've come to realise. My relationship with Dean has shown me that."

Joseph's eyes widened as Cas brought up Dean. Cas didn't talk about Dean with others if he could avoid it.

"Not to intrude or anything here Castiel, but you and Dean… what's going there?" Joseph asked curiously.

"I don't really know anymore. Like I said,  _ complicated, _ " Cas rolled his eyes. Joseph laughed agreeing, as he followed Cas through the trees. When they realised there was really nothing to see in this area, other than running into a nest of vampires, Castiel and Joseph headed back to the jeep, only, the jeep wasn't there anymore. They exchanged confused glances.

"Are we lost?" Joseph asked.

"No, my sense of direction is excellent," Cas replied, "It should be here. Call the others."

While Joseph was on the phone, Cas sensed more monsters coming towards them. Cas grabbed Joseph by his jacket, pushing him aside as a werewolf jumped on him, gnawing her claws into Cas. The angel who was caught by surprise was unable to throw the werewolf off him. The werewolf bit Castiel's neck, causing Cas to scream in agonising pain. Joseph grabbed the machete from the ground and swung is across, decapitating the werewolf. Cas's head fell back to the soil as he gasped trying to recover. Joseph offered him a hand, and Cas took it.

"Castiel, you're bleeding pretty bad," Joseph said.

"I'll heal in due time. Where are the others?" Cas asked.

Joseph fussed over Castiel's neck wound as he spoke, "Inias said he and Kit returned to the jeep but they were attacked by werewolves so they had to leave to shake the wolves away, but they're coming back for us."

Cas nodded, suddenly feeling lightheaded. Joseph realised, and hooked an arm around Cas's waist helping him to a nearby oak tree.

"You shouldn't have put yourself on the front line like that," Joseph said.

Cas looked at him quickly, "You have Alex to get back to. Marry him."

Joseph gulped and nodded, "And you have Dean to get back to, remember? He'd lose his fucking mind if anything happened to you."

Cas sighed leaning against the tree. Dean was going to have his head if he returned and his wolf bite hadn't healed by then. The jeep returned, and everyone helped Castiel in, before returning to camp.

\-------------------

Dean was having lunch and talking to Kristy about movies they both loved when the sirens went off. Cas was back.

Dean and Kristy sprinted down the halls and into the opening to find the jeeps rolling in one by one. Cas got out and almost lost his balance. The blood had dried on his coat and suit and Dean's eyes caught the sight of the wound.

"Cas?" Dean asked as he felt his heart fall momentarily. Alex was close behind Dean, a young man with dark black hair and gorgeous brown eyes who found Joseph as he stepped out from the other side of the jeep and Alex pulled Joseph into a hug. Meanwhile, Dean hurried over to Cas.

"What the hell happened to you? And why aren't you healing?" Dean asked, pulling Cas's coat off him to examine the wound.

"I'm healing very slowly. We were attacked by a werewolf. I'll be fine," Cas said, watching Dean.

"Come with me, I'll patch you up. I've had years of experience patching up Sam, let me at least clean the wound and bandage you up properly," Dean said. Cas sighed and nodded, stopping halfway.

"Joseph," Cas called out.

Joseph turned around to see Cas smiling at him, "Yes, commander?"

"Thank you."

Joseph nodded, "I should be thanking  _ you _ for saving my life."

Cas watched as Alex wrapped his arms around Joseph tightly. Dean broke Cas's trance.

"Come on, feathers," Dean said gently.

Cas followed Dean to his room. Dean threw a clean towel at Cas and pulled out the first aid kit he kept with him.

"Take your shirt off, and clean up that wound," Dean said, washing his hands thoroughly.

Cas obeyed and stripped, taking his suit off and then his shirt. He sat on the edge of Dean's bed, trying to clean the wound. Dean sat beside Cas, on his left side.

"So, you wanna tell me what happened today?" Dean asked, first cleaning the wound with water. And then he soaked a gauze pad with betadine and dabbed it on the wound lightly. Cas hissed a little as it stung.

"We went to search for Michael's location, but there was nothing important... just endless forests and trees, no clearing or a building in sight. Then, we got attacked," Cas said simply.

"You mean Joseph got attacked, and you threw yourself into danger like a dumbass," Dean grumbled. He took the needle and thread.

"He's going to propose, Dean," Cas said.

Dean stayed still, "What? To Alex?"

Cas nodded, turning his head to see Dean's shocked expression.

"Yes. He's going to propose, and I couldn't let anything happen to him," Cas said. Dean frowned, stitching the skin back together.

"And what about you huh? What about  _ me? _ I'm glad it's just some dumb werewolf bite but God, Cas, if anything serious happened to you…" Dean's voice drifted off. Cas sensed Dean's nervousness because his usually calm hands became unstable and began to shake a little as he stitched.

Cas placed a hand on Dean's knee reassuringly, "I know, and I'm sorry. I was reckless. I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean's hands stabilised as he finished. He covered the wound with some more gauze pads and taped it across so it stuck to Castiel's skin.

"Promise me you won't do anything stupid like that again," Dean said quietly.

"You know I can't promise you that," Cas replied. Dean huffed and took his equipment to wash away. He disposed of the rest properly. By the time Dean got back, Cas was putting on his shirt.

"Woah, hold on. That shirt and your coat are stained with blood, Cas! We should wash it first," Dean said, stopping Cas halfway.

Cas frowned, "I can use my powers to-"

"No, you use your angel mojo to heal yourself, got it? Give me your clothes, I'll wash it. Meanwhile, you can wear something of mine," Dean said. Cas removed the shirt and folded it up nicely along with his coat. Dean passed him one of his shirts and watched as Cas tried it on. It fit perfectly.

"Great. For once, please look after yourself, Cas," Dean said grabbing the folded up clothes and exiting his room. Cas sighed, looking around Dean's room for a bit before going to find his team for updates.


	6. Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean held his breath, suddenly remembering Cas probably didn't know human traditions. Cas had no idea, because like he said earlier that day, he never understood any of it. He never paid much attention...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very cute chapter to write omg  
> -  
> Song for the chapter:  
> Lover- Taylor Swift

The next morning Cas rolled over and found his outfit newly washed and nicely folded with a note floating on top of it which read:

_ Washed your clothes if you wanna change back. But you look good in my stuff too.  _

_ See ya later, _

_ -Dean  _

Cas smiled slowly as he read the message and fell back into his mattress.

Castiel entered the dining area in his old outfit and trenchcoat and found Sam and Dean arguing as brothers do. Castiel sat next to Dean who was wearing a jacket over a red flannel over his black shirt. Cas never understood why the brothers always wore 500 layers of clothing, but he was the one wearing a suit and trenchcoat so he wasn't one to judge either. 

"Dude, no. Kale for breakfast is NOT a fucking breakfast? You are a fighter, you need MEAT, Sam," Dean said, waving the piece of chicken in his face.

"You know you can get enough proteins and nutrition from vegetables too, Dean," Sam said.

"But it's not the same as a hamburger, or bacon, or even pasta! You need carbs man," Dean fired back. Cas silently watched the brothers go back and forth on their daily argument about healthy food when a voice called out for their attention. It was Joseph.

"Alex, there's something I wanted to tell you, and I think it's only fair I say this in front of all our friends," Joseph said. His voice was crystal clear now that the entire room had fallen into silence.

Dean turned to Cas, "Is he gonna-"

"I think so. Now, shut up," Cas swatted Dean's arm away, staring at the couple. Dean rolled his eyes, stealing a piece of chicken from Cas's plate while Cas was distracted.

Joseph was now holding Alex's hand in the middle of the dining room, "Alex, you've been not only my best friend but my life partner. Whether it's fighting monsters, or training together, or having Lord of the Rings movie marathons before the Apocalypse, you were always by my side. No matter how ugly things got, you never abandoned me, and when I thought I was going to lose my fight, you would fight beside me. I love you very much and I want to spend every morning waking up beside you. Which is why I have the honour of doing this…"

Joseph got on one knee, and Cas held his breath. Dean was half watching the proposal and half watching Cas getting way too invested in it.

"Alexander Davis, will you marry me?" Joseph pulled out a ring and Alex clasped his mouth with his hands.

Cas grabbed Dean's hand excitedly. He wasn't the only one waiting for the anticipated answer- the entire room was holding its breath waiting. You could practically hear a pin drop. Dean looked down at their intertwined hands and his eyes moved back up.

"Oh my god, yes," Alex choked out through a waterfall of tears. They hugged and the crowd erupted into a mass of cheers, claps and congratulations.

"About fucking time," Cas said. Even Sam was standing up cheering along.

Dean was grinning, his attention was more on Cas than the newly engaged pair. Cas's eyes were shining with so much happiness that Dean barely got to see; he wanted that smile embedded into his memory.

Cas finally calmed down and turned to Dean, noticing that he was still holding Dean's hand very tightly.

"Sorry, I- uh-" Cas stammered, pulling away.

Dean smiled, "I haven't seen you this excited before. Like ever."

Cas blushed a shade of pink, "Well… I've never seen a proposal before."

"Seriously?" Dean asked, now intrigued.

"Yes, Dean. I know,  _ shocking.  _ I never understood marriages and weddings and all that. Like why would two people who are already together, perhaps even already living together, attend a ceremony? But seeing Joseph and Alex's smiling faces, it just got me thinking. Maybe I don't understand all of humanity as well as I thought," Cas said quietly.

Dean was so intrigued by the angel, "It's a ceremony of love, Cas. When two families and two people come together and promise to never leave each others' side."

Cas stared at Dean about to say something and then closed his mouth. Dean focused on Sam instead because he was sure he would do something extremely stupid if he looked at Castiel one more second. Sam got up and went over to congratulate the pair.

"We should go congratulate them," Cas said suddenly.

"Uh- you go ahead," Dean said. Cas nodded and went up to Joseph and Alex. Joseph fell into Castiel's arms first and Dean watched the interaction. He watched how gently and tightly Cas hugged Joseph, smiling as he pulled back and spoke some words. He watched as Cas wrapped his arms around Alex who was still a sobbing mess. Dean noticed the little nuances of Cas's gestures, like how he rubbed his thumb up and down as he hugged or how Cas always squeezed a little before pulling away from the hug. Cas had become surprisingly good at communicating using body language and Dean was fascinated. Dean smiled to himself, took a chug of his water and joined Cas.

"Hey fellas, congratulations!" Dean said, smiling brightly.

"Thank you, Dean!" Joseph said. Joseph and Alex hugged Dean warmly.

\-------------------

Cas found Dean later that afternoon going through his old photos. When Cas asked what he was doing, Dean just brushed it off, but Cas could tell the hunter missed their family. Cas had wanted to see Dean to return his clothes after he washed and dried them. He placed the shirt back in its rightful place and sat next to the man on the edge of the bed.

Cas took the photo of Dean and his mother out of Dean's grip, "You miss her."

Dean nodded, "A lot. I miss her every day, Cas."

Cas sighed and returned the photo, "I wanted to give you this for your birthday but I don't know if we'll make it that far, and now seems like a good time as ever."

Dean frowned confused and lost, "What?"

Cas pulled out a silver ring that oddly resembled the old ring he had lost years ago. It had a thin line across the middle and shone brightly.

"I know the old one you had was your mother's ring. And then you lost it during the first apocalypse and I noticed you would rub your finger as if it was still there. I found this on a hunt a while ago by chance actually. I know your mother's ring brought you peace and serenity and I think you need that now more than ever," Cas said. Dean was speechless. Absolutely dumb-struck. Cas was staring down at the ring, twirling it gently in his hands.

"Cas-" Dean said, but the rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat.

Cas took Dean's left hand in his and pushed the ring onto Dean's ring finger casually and slowly. Dean held his breath, suddenly remembering Cas probably didn't know human traditions like which finger the wedding ring was supposed to go on. Cas had no idea, because like he said earlier that day, he never understood any of it. He never paid much attention.

When Cas looked back up at Dean, he saw the tears pooling in Dean's eyes.

"Shit, you don't like it?" Cas asked, suddenly panicking.

Dean grumbled and pulled Cas into a hug, "Shut up feathers. I love it. I just don't know how to react."

"Oh."

Cas rubbed Dean's back slowly, and Dean let the tears fall. For once, he let himself be happy with Cas, the way they were. Cas pulled away first, gazing at Dean, slightly worried and concerned.

"Have you been carrying that around with you all this time?" Dean said laughing.

Cas broke into a smile, "Maybe. It was safely stored away in my room."

"Thank you, Cas. You continue to amaze me," Dean said, staring at the ring.

"In good ways, I hope," Cas muttered back. Dean gulped and nodded back.

"I should get going, I'll see you later, Dean." Cas stood up and left.

\-------------------

The next morning, Sam noticed the ring before anyone else and he stopped Dean in the middle of the hallway demanding an explanation. Dean explained and Sam's immediate reply was "that's actually  _ really  _ fucking sweet, oh my god." Dean rolled his eyes and walked away, with Sam quickly running to keep up. They sat and did research on their laptops and soon enough, midday rolled in. Everyone went to the dining hall for their lunch, settling into their normal groups, family and friends. Castiel didn't join them and this worried Sam and Dean. After lunch, Sam and Dean found Cas in his room, in a very heated phone call. He looked up when the brothers walked in with very baffled expressions.

Cas ended the call and hang up, "Sorry. I sent some teams out to gather more supplies but there's been… a complication."

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, beating Dean to it.

"They were ambushed by a nest of vampires. We lost two good men," Cas bit his lips, closing his eyes, "They're returning with the bodies. I just- I feel like shit. I should have been more careful, I shouldn’t have sent them out."

Dean took a few steps forward, "Cas, this is NOT your fault. You did what any good leader would do, it was just unfortunate. I'm sorry, Cas."

Cas sighed and looked at Sam. They would have to face the consequences of this, the angry grieving family members, the pissed off rebels, the sad and lost children, all of it. Every time they lost someone they had to deal with it. And it hurt like a bitch every single time because they were all close as a family would be.

Sam, Dean and Cas waited for the trucks to roll in. They helped carry the bodies down. They watched as the family members, a wife, and a sister, tumble in screaming and crying. Cas waited for one of them to snap and it took a few moments before the sister started screaming at Cas for being reckless. Dean stepped forward to defend Cas, but Sam pulled him back with one hand. Cas apologised as he always did. Every loss was a stab to his heart. The wife didn't even look up, she just kept weeping and howling into her husband's chest. Cas told the others to wrap it up and left quickly. Dean followed him after noticing that Sam wasn't holding him back this time.

"Cas?" Dean chased after the angel. Cas stopped at the hallway and put his back to the ice-cold tiles. He closed his eyes and covered his face with the palms of his hands. Dean stood in front of him. He, very gently, brought Cas's hands down, to reveal his tear streamed face. Dean didn't say anything, instead, he pulled Cas into him, wrapping his arms around the angel. When the angel cried tears, Dean felt the past year's worth of pain, suffering, bad decisions, loss and hardships that had been weighing Cas down.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Cas said into Dean's neck.

"It's alright, Cas. You've been through a lot lately. And I know, it's not easy losing people. People who put their faith and trust in you. I'm sorry. But you've got to pull yourself together, okay?" Dean asked. Cas nodded, and pulled away. He wiped away the tears promptly and straightened his back.

"We'll have a funeral later tonight."

Cas walked away without another word, leaving Dean discontent in the hallway.

The funeral was short. Cas and the family members said a few good words before Cas abruptly left. Dean wanted to check up on him but Sam asked him not to. Cas needed his space. Dean may know Cas best, but Sam was the one who carried all the burdens alongside the angel. In these situations, Sam knew it was better to let Cas be. 


	7. Cursed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite Castiels heeded warnings, the Winchester brothers run into danger but this time, it doesn't end well for them. Something's not quite right with Dean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be hella long so this is a bit short!   
> \--  
> Song for the chapter:   
> Savin' Me by Nickelback

Sam, Dean and a few others went out to that unexplored area on Castiel's map. Cas was very unsure about this because it had been one of the very few places unmarked. Dean and Sam packed their weapons and some food and water for the journey with their newfound friends. Dean grabbed the angel blade twisting it around his fingers expertly before he stuffed it into his jacket.

"Dean, please do be careful," Cas said, handing him a gun with silver bullets just in case.

Dean accepted it, "I'll try my best. No promises though." He grinned. Cas bit his lips nervously, that annoying unsettling gut feeling creeping back in. He abruptly pulled Dean into a hug. Dean, who was not expecting this, smiled softly and hugged back, slinging an arm around the angel.

"I have a very bad feeling about this, so just, look out for each other," Cas said again.

Dean nodded and smiled before swinging into the truck, right before it left.

The brothers and their cavalry were careful, especially after Castiel's heeded warnings. However, what they confronted was something nobody had expected. A witch. They tried to fight her and failed miserably. Dean was thrown across the small cabin surrounded by thick forest. Sam had passed out after having a massive cement pot crash on his head. Two of their friends were bleeding and injured. Another two desperately trying to fight the witch. Dean stood up after he realised he was still conscious in the middle of a fight. He attacked and the witch knocked them all out. Sam woke up right on time to see the witch trot over to Dean and cast a spell. Dean groaned, his body pushed into the ground. Before Sam could even pull out the gun with those witch-killing bullets, the witch vanished.

Everything seemed fine, but Sam was uncertain. Dean wasn't acting right. He was on edge and more snappy than usual.

They returned to the headquarters and Cas and their medical team were stunned to find that they had encountered a witch of all people. When Castiel tried to heal Dean, Dean pushed him away furiously. Cas frowned and looked at Sam.

"Cas, can I talk to you?" Sam asked, visibly panicking now.

Sam pulled Cas to the side as everyone dismantled.

"It's Dean. I think he's hexed," Sam said.

Cas frowned, "Hexed? The witch hexed him?"

"Yeah, just before she left, he said a few words and hexed Dean. He's been acting off, Cas. He's more angry than usual, and on edge," Sam said.

"I'll talk to him," Cas said. He put a hand to Sam's shoulder and healed all his wounds.

When Cas found Dean, Dean was raging.

"Just listen to me, Dean. Let me heal you," Cas said gently, blocking the exit.

Dean glared at him, "I don't need your help,  _ Castiel _ ." Cas hated the way Dean spat out his name like that with so much loathing.

Cas moved forward to touch Dean's shoulder, but Dean reacted by grabbing Cas and pushing him against the wall.

"I said leave me ALONE, god damn you fucking annoying angel," Dean snarled. Cas patiently waited for Dean to let go.

"Sam was right, you are hexed. I'll-" Cas started but Dean grabbed his coat and pushed Cas out of his room with such intensity that Castiel didn't see coming. Cas was stunned when the door slammed shut in his face. Sam heard the commotion and came running to find Cas on the floor looking like he saw a ghost or perhaps something worse.

"Call Rowena," Cas said looking up at Sam with pleading eyes. 

\-------------------

Dean screamed as he thrashed around, yelling abuses at everyone.

"Dean! Stop this isn't you! It's the spell!" Sam yelled, trying to get a firm hold of his brother but the spell made Dean even stronger. Cas walked in and met Sam's desperate eyes.

"Cas, the spell is growing," Sam said. Everyone in the room, Inias, David, even the little kids were watching him.

"Get Dean," Cas said.

"I can't, he's too strong," Sam cried.

Cas bit his lips. He didn't want to do this with everyone watching but he had no choice. He grabbed Dean from behind, locking his hands so Dean couldn't escape. Then his eyes flashed bright blue and the lights in the room turned on and off. There was a huge crash, and a black pair of beautiful black velvet soft wings covered Dean in his arms, cutting Sam out. There were a few gasps from the room, a lot of stares and hushed voices. Sam had never seen Cas's wings, not even the shadow (Dean has seen them when he first met Cas), and he was awed.

Dean screamed as Cas fought against the spell. Soon, the screams died out and Dean passed out, collapsing into Cas. Cas opened his wings again, looking at Sam who had his mouth gaping open. Dean fell into Cas, but Cas grabbed him. Cas hooked his hands under Dean, carrying him bridal style. Dean's head lulled, and rested on Castiel's chest.

Sam led them to Dean's room, Castiel's wings making noises as it bumped against the wall. Cas laid Dean down on the bed carefully, and reached out and plucked a feather from his wings set. He put the feather between Dean's palms.

"Cas?" Sam asked, speaking for the first time. Cas turned to look at Sam by the doorway and he saw a few others watching in admiration.

"My apologies," Cas muttered shyly, the lights flashing again and his wings were gone.

"Woah," Sam said, mouth hanging open.

"The magic inside Dean was strong, I used all my power to fight it. It's not fully gone, but it'll settle until Rowena gets here," Cas said, composing himself.

"The feather?" Inias asked from the door. 

Cas looked at Dean very quickly, "The feather contains my power. Should Dean wake up and go rabid again, my power will ground him and keep the magic of the spell under control."

"Oh."

Cas excused himself, embarrassed. He never intended to show his wings to everyone else, it was a part of him that he had reserved only for Dean, but circumstances change.

Cas was in his room, cleaning, when Sam knocked and entered, "Hey."

"Hi. Is he still asleep?" Cas asked.

Sam nodded, "Yeah. I just- I just wanna say, your wings are beautiful, Cas. We've never seen them before and just- wow."

Cas smiled, "Actually, Dean has seen them once, but only its shadow. When I first met Dean in that barn, I wanted to impress him. Seems a bit silly now honestly."

Sam laughed, "Well, I think it worked. Thank you, Cas. You're the only one who can keep my brother in line."

"Do you think this will change anything between us and my people?" Cas asked, nervous.

"Oh hell no, Cas! You didn't see their faces! They were so amazed and impressed, and if anything I think they respect you even more now," Sam grinned.

"David won't be too happy. He doesn't like my relationship with Dean," Cas said.

Sam rolled his eyes, "David is David. He's never going to change. Anyway, you should rest. I'll call you when Rowena arrives or Dean wakes up."


	8. A home away from home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Times they are changing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than normal but I absolutely loved writing it and I think it's one of my favourites. This is when the story takes a massive turn, and Dean and Cas are thrown into a new situation where they become closer and Sam gets the opportunity to step up.  
> -  
> Song for the chapter:  
> Sanctuary - Welshly Arms

Rowena came and patched Dean up like it was nothing because really at this point, she's used to it. 

"You know I'm really getting tired of cleaning up your messes, boys," Rowena said, grabbing her bag. 

"We'd pay you but all the jewellery we had is gone," Sam said slowly.

"Oh, Samuel. How about you make it up to me?" Rowena asked, her eyes glistening with mischief.

Sam narrowed his eyes confused, "Sure?"

"Let's go on a date. Help me find my crystals and we can call it… payment!" Rowena said. Sam looked at Cas, who just shrugged.

"That's doable. Text me where to meet you," Sam said.

"Oh, I will. All the best boys," Rowena said waving off.

Cas stayed with Dean who was still asleep.

Inias walked in a few minutes later.

"Commander, how is he?" He asked.

"Better. He should be waking up soon," Cas said.

Inias sat down on the chair opposite Cas, "We should talk."

Cas waited patiently for Inias to gather his thoughts, "I overheard David and a few others talking. They don't like Dean, you know."

Cas nodded.

"They think Dean is a distraction for you. And they want to kick him out," Inias said.

"Everyone here knows that's not happening," Cas said in a low dangerous voice.

Inias looked at Cas apologetically, "It's either you or him. Either you kick him out. Or David and his people kick you BOTH out."

Cas looked down, fiddling with his thumbs, "I should have seen this coming."

"Castiel, I like Dean. He's stubborn and annoying sometimes, but the man has a lot of heart and fight in him. Dean has tried to get along with him but David won't change. They want to plan a meeting with everyone tomorrow, they're just waiting for Dean to wake up," Inias said.

Cas closed his eyes putting his palm in his face, "I should have known David would pull something like this. He's always been so... resistant."

"I'm sorry, Castiel. I just wanted to give you an idea," Inias said, "You've been good to us here, but David's started threatening to kick people out who don't side with him."

Cas looked up, "How would you feel about Sam running things here? He's a firm leader."

Inias frowned, "You know everyone here adores and respects Sam. You would hand over leadership to him?"

Cas nodded, "If I get kicked out with Dean, then okay. But I need someone I trust to run this place and carry forward my plans. And I trust Sam." 

Inias gazed at Cas, raising an eyebrow, "Sam would never agree to it."

"I'll talk to him. Thank you for telling me all this, Inias," Cas said with a sad smile.

Sam was called in and he looked baffled.

"Sam, we need to talk. Inias heard David and some others talking about kicking Dean out," Cas said.

"What?! NO!" Sam protested.

"I know. David can't be reasoned with, you know this. I've tried to keep him in check for months, but he's proven to be resistant. The only way around this is if I leave with Dean," Cas waited, watching Sam's angry facial expressions warp into shock.

"What?" Sam asked in a small voice.

"You know damn well I will never leave Dean. Not again. If they're going to kick him out, I'll go with him. I can keep him safe, keep him warm and fed and make sure he doesn't die on the streets. But that means I'll need someone to run things here…"

Sam blinked a few times, astonished and clueless. 

"Sam, I want you to take over. I want you to carry on my mission, to train, fight and beat Michael. Dean and I will help where we can, but I need you to _lead_ ," Cas said gently, leaning forward. 

"Cas, there _has_ to be another way around this…"

"I don't think there is Sam. I just wanted you to know," Cas said quietly. He looked at Dean, brushing a hand over Dean's. 

"Okay, alright, we'll figure this out. Either way, I'm glad Dean has you. I'm glad Dean has someone willing to fight for him. He's never really had that, you know? When we were kids, Dean was more of a father to me that our dad was. He gave up everything to raise me right. And it's about time someone looked after _him,"_ Sam said, eyes shifting from Dean to Cas.

Cas nodded, smiling a little, "Dean is family, but so are you. I trust you, Sam. With everything I have."

"You have no idea how much that means to me," Sam said, smiling in return and straightening his back. 

\-------------------

A meeting was called for, soon after Dean woke up. Cas helped Dean, making sure he wasn't about to go crazy or lose it completely. Dean was fine, just extremely drained. The meeting dawned upon them and Cas became jittery and nervous. He knew Dean would never go down without a fight.

"David, why did you call for this meeting?" Cas asked standing up alongside David. Sam was standing in the side, Dean was sitting in the front, and as were David's friends.

"You know why, Castiel. To remove Dean Winchester," David said.

"I'm sorry, WHAT?" Dean yelled, bouncing up from his seat. Cas held him back with one hand. David smirked a little, watching them like a prey about to devour his next meal. 

"You don't belong with us, _Winchester_. You're a distraction to Castiel, and we can't afford any distractions," David said, his eyes flickering down to the ring on Dean's finger, "Here is a list of all people who signed to kick you out."

He handed Castiel the paper and Castiel went through it, names and faces he recognised. Dean remained quiet thinking, eyeing the paper. 

Cas sighed and nodded, "Alright, fine."

Dean held his breath, eyes wandering to Cas. Even David was surprised by his answer. 

"But if Dean leaves, I leave with him," Cas finished, "You want to kick him out? Fine. I'll go as well."

David frowned, this wasn't the answer he expected. Dean went to Cas, while everyone started speaking in hushed voices.

"Cas, no. You're their leader, you can't just leave. I'll go, it's nothing I haven't done a thousand times-"

"Dean, just stop. I made it clear before. I'm not leaving you," Cas said. Dean was speechless, opening and closing his mouth dumbstruck. 

"Quiet! Castiel, what is the meaning of this?" David asked, confused.

"You know what Dean means to me. He's family, and I can't- I _won't_ kick him to the curb. I'll leave with Dean, we mean no harm. We don't want to start a fight. Sam will take over- he knows how to lead, how to run this place, how to fight and he knows Michael just as well as I do," Cas said firmly.

"That seems fair," David muttered.

Dean snapped, green eyes flaring with so much anger and fury, " _Fair?_ Are you _kidding_ me right now? So what, all you people are going to just sit there and watch this _asshole_ just kick your leader out? Castiel has given you a home, a place to feel needed and loved, he gave you a sanctuary, he taught you how to fight, how to hunt! Castiel has treated you like family! And you're all just going to abandon him? After everything he has given up for you?"

Cas felt a new surge of pride watching Dean defend him, and every time Dean said "Castiel" instead of plain old "Cas", the angel couldn't help but smile. Cas had always admired how Dean was so loyal to his family and friends, and God help anyone who dared disrespect them in front of the hunter. 

"I am _not_ a distraction to him. Cas treats you all like you're his family. Not just me and Sam. He looked after your children, he helped your mothers and wives. He taught your fathers and husbands fight. He gave you hope and faith in a world that didn't have any!" Dean yelled furiously. Sam was watching Dean from the sidelines, a small half-smile half-smirk forming on his lips. 

"Dean, it's okay," Cas said gently.

"No, it's not Cas. Nothing about this is okay," Dean turned to David, "What's your friggin' problem, huh? I tried so friggin' hard to like you, to get along with you!" Cas was 100% sure if the kids weren't around, Dean would be swearing like a sailor.

David pursed his lips, "When we first met Castiel, he was a soldier. He fought and did what he had to do. But we risked so many of us to find _you._ Ever since we found you, Castiel has been different. He's been distracted and too… attached to you. You think we haven't noticed that shiny ring on your finger?"

Dean snarled at him, "So would you kick your family to the curb as well? Your wives and husbands? Cas is like that. He's my friend, he's _my_ angel, and he's my other half. He always has been. We never stopped fighting for each other, even when the world went to hell. That's why Cas is special. He _fights_ for his family. He damn well fought for _you._ And this is how you repay him? And this?" He pointed at the ring, "Yeah, so what? Cas gave it to me as a friggin' gift, you _imbecile._ It's supposed to be a replica of my mother's ring. You don't deserve Cas. He loves with his entire friggin' heart and soul, and this is how you repay him. You know, Cas and I might not agree all the time. We fight teeth and claw with each other, but at least I know what he's worth. He's worth _gold._ That's more than I can say for you." If one could send deathly arrows with their eyes, Dean would be a professional. 

Cas could hear Dean's _'he's worth gold'_ statement echoing in his head, but he quickly snapped out of his trance. Cas stepped forward, grabbing Dean's elbow gently, "Dean, I admire your loyalty and courage, but please, stop. You're making this worse."

Dean glared at him and Cas saw his eyes glisten, "They can't do this to you." Dean glared at David, pointing a finger at him as he said, " _He_ can't do this to you."

"Actually I can," David said, smirking lightly.

Dean pulled away from Cas, pointing an accusing finger at David, "You _will_ regret this, mark my words." That was it. When Dean Winchester made a promise, he kept it. And now David's fate was sealed. David backed away a little, stunned at how quickly Dean snapped and turned to stand up for Cas. Cas, meanwhile, sighed, pulling Dean away. 

"Dean and I will be gone by sunrise tomorrow. Sam will take over. I think that should work with everyone." Dean ripped his arm away, eyeing everyone in the room. Cas was about to walk out when a small voice spoke up.

"Cas, don't leave!" It was Clarissa. The little girl Cas adored, fire for hair and fiery for a personality. Cas stopped, gazing at her with a small smile. Another kid stood up, Owen, one of Clarissa's friends, "Dean's right! Cas gave us a home and a family and purpose to fight for! He can't leave!"

Another girl stood up, Tatiana, "Cas is our family, and so is Dean!"

One by one, the kids and teenagers stood up, cheering on Cas. Dean was so star-struck he didn't have it in him to be pissed anymore. Cas was touched. These are the kids he spoke to every day. He laughed with them, he looked after them like they were his own. Sam was beaming, his eyes quickly making contact with Cas.

Clarissa walked up to Cas, holding his hand, "You love Dean, enough to risk everything for him. Well, we love you, Cas! If Cas leaves, we leave too!" Dean looked at Cas awed and amazed. The kids and teenagers cheered in agreement.

The room quietened down, "That's very brave of you, my dear Clary. And trust me, I appreciate you all. I love every single one of you. But this is something Dean and I have to do by ourselves. Sam will take good care of you, trust me, okay?" Cas said gently. He bent down a little to go to eye level with the girl. The whole room fell silent.

"What about Dean? Will you look after him like you looked after us?" Clarissa asked, twisting her head up to smile at Dean. 

"Of course, I will look after Dean every single day. You don't have to worry about us. Dean and I have each other." 

Sam saw the way Dean put a gentle hand on Cas's shoulder in agreement. Sam loved how much Dean has changed in the past few months. Before he was so closed off and distant but after spending an entire year alone, fighting monsters on his own, Sam could tell something had clearly changed. Dean was now more open. And that was proven by the way Dean openly backed up Cas just then. Sam had never been more proud of his brother, even if the circumstances were shitty and stacked up against them. 

"You're a wonderful girl, Clarissa. You're smart, you're feisty and you have a lot of heart. You know who you remind me of?" Cas smiled, looking at Dean, "You're like Dean. You fight for the people you love. I want you to never stop fighting. You and your friends. Thank you for showing me what it's like to enjoy the smaller things in life, my dear." Clarissa broke down crying, so Cas wrapped her in a warm hug. Dean gazed at Cas, still moved by the little ones. Cas pulled away, placing a small kiss on her cheek.

He stood up, letting go of Clarissa, "Thank you all." He turned to Dean, then David, then Clarissa, and finally Sam. And he left.

\-------------------

Dean found Cas in his room cleaning up.

"Hey, Cas. Can we talk?" Dean asked.

Cas looked at him, "Shoot."

"I- uh- I'm sorry I got you into this fucking mess."

Cas turned to look at him. He placed his maps and things down, and walked over to Dean, "You have nothing to be sorry about, Dean Winchester."

Dean looked at Cas, "You gave so much to these people, and they would just let you go? That's so shitty."

Cas sighed, "You know what people are like. I wanted to say this before, but thank you for standing up for me the way you did. That was very brave of you." 

Dean pursed his lips nodding, "I- uh- yeah, of course. If it weren't for the kids and everyone else in this place, David would have a god damn axe to his head." 

Cas rolled his eyes a little, "Anyways, did you pack your things?"

"I don't have much to pack," Dean mumbled, "You know those kids, they're something special. The way they stood up for you, man."

Cas smiled, "I've always liked them. They don't complicate and overthink everything as adults do. They love whole-heartedly and they fight for what they want."

"I'm proud of you," Dean said abruptly.

Cas looked at him, a bit speechless, so Dean continued, "I'm proud of you and everything you've achieved here. I don't say it enough I know, but you're fucking incredible, Cas. The way you lead these people. You taught them everything you know, you helped Sam, you found me and you helped me. You made friends in those kids. You helped these families and all these people."

Cas blushed nervously, looking down, "Thank you, Dean."

"I never wanted this for you. Life out there, in the streets, it's harsh and cold and bloody," Dean muttered.

"Nothing that I'm not accustomed to. You'll make it more bearable, I hope," Cas said.

"I'll try my best," Dean hooked his fingers into Cas's belt, gently pulling him in, "I'll try to make you happy."

Cas rolled his eyes dramatically, "Your very existence makes me happy, Dean."

Dean laughed, "I know. But if there are- uh- other things you need, I can give it to you."

Cas knew exactly what Dean meant without him having to say it. Cas ran his hands over Dean's hair with a fond smile.

"Do you ever stop flirting?" Cas asked.

"Shut up, you love it," Dean replied just as quick.

Cas laughed, "I hate you so much, sometimes. What did you pack?"

"Just a backpack and a duffle bag with our weapons," Dean said, knowing damn well Cas didn't pack anything.

"Leave your bags with me, and go sleep. You'll need the rest. I'll come to find you in the morning. We can say our goodbyes to Sam and anyone else you want," Cas said. Dean sighed.

"This is really happening huh?" Dean said. Cas gave Dean a quick smile before he pushed him away.

Cas and Dean said their goodbyes, Dean trying not to choke up as he wrapped his arms around his younger brother. 

"Don't you dare die on me now, ya hear me?" Sam grumbled as he pulled away from the hug. 

Dean shrugged, "No promises, but hey, at least this time I've got my angel. Keep in touch, Sammy." 

Cas talked with Sam, giving him his plans, maps, tips, and just about everything. Sam knew he could always call Cas if shit went south. They were about to leave when Clarissa sprinted up to Cas. Dean looked at her fond and lovingly. Cas bent to meet her at eye level.

"What is it, Clarissa?" Cas asked.

The little girl handed Cas a feather, his feather, "I found this in the corridor, the feather you gave Dean. You should have it back, it belongs to you." Cas could feel Dean was watching him intensely.

Cas shook his head, "How about you keep it for me? My feather contains power, if you ever feel sad, or angry, or feel like giving up, hold my feather and remember I'm right here with you. Every step of the way."

Dean, honest to god, just wanted to cry.

Clarissa smiled, putting on a brave face as she embraced Cas.

"I love you," the little girl said.

"I love you too, you take good care of everyone, alright?" Cas asked, beaming.

Clarissa nodded as Cas stood up. He met eyes with Dean and saw that Dean was tearing up.

"We should go. See you," Cas said to those who were there. He gave a little wave to Clarissa, as did Dean and they exited.

"Fucking hell, I love that girl," Dean muttered, pushing the doors and not looking back.

Cas grinned, "Me too. She's so much like you, it's scary."

Dean chuckled, "Really? How come?"

Cas shifted his duffle bag to his other hand, "Well for one, she's stubborn and has a hot temper. But she's kind, and she cares a lot. She loves passionately and wholly. She sees the world in a way a lot of people don't, in a way adults don't. She's a fighter too. She broke her arm once and when I offered to heal her, she stopped me and she said "No. I want my body to heal on its own so I can become stronger." Her mother thought she was insane."

Dean smirked, "Yeah, sounds like me."

Cas looked at Dean as they walked away from the building.

\-------------------

Night drew in faster than they could anticipate. Dean said he wasn't hungry, which he wasn't, so there was no need to open the packaged food today. Cas found them an old abandoned building so Dean could get a few hours rest. It was pitch black, and the night was so quiet you could hear a simple crunch of leaves under Dean's boots. 

"Cas, what's the plan? Where are we even going?" Dean asked, putting his back to the wall. It was a chilly night, and he was starting to shiver, and regret not bringing more jackets (he was already wearing two).

"I don't know. I was thinking we could keep moving south. That's where we heard there was civilisation last, so maybe there are some supplies left that we can gather."

Cas looked at Dean, and he could see Dean visibly shaking with the cold.

"Here," Cas said. He sat next to Dean and opened his arms up.

Dean refused, "I'm good, Cas."

"Stop being unreasonable, Dean. I refuse to let you die on the first night from hypothermia. I'll keep you warm, I promise," Cas said. Dean grunted and cuddled up next to Cas. He realised that Cas was one of the few people who could insult him and get away with it. Dean laid his head on Cas's chest, bringing his legs up closer too. There was a growl of thunder and Dean thought it was about to rain. But when he opened his eyes, he saw a black coating over his head.

"What in the-" Dean muttered, putting his hands to find that it was feathers. Incredibly soft yet austere, black feathers. 

Dean's eyes met Cas's and Cas smiled, "My wings. They'll help keep us both warm for the night."

Dean sat upright, and like a child in a candy store, his eyes lit up, "Fucking shit, oh my god. Cas, I've never seen your wings up close like this. They're beautiful."

Dean watched. He put a hand to touch the delicate feathers and then paused. Cas said it was okay, so he continued. Castiel's wings felt like holding a velvet blanket. The feathers were crazy soft and Cas responded to Dean's touch by making a hmph noise. Dean entangled his fingers into the wings

"Are you comfortable?" Cas asked.

"Yeah. This is okay with you?" Dean asked nervously.

Cas brought his wings closer, "Of course." Dean was still too awestruck by Cas's massive wings to do anything. He just brought the wings closer and placed a soft kiss in the middle of the bush of feathers. Cas's feathers suddenly livened and puffed up.

"Shit, sorry, I-" Dean breathed out, watching Cas close his eyes, and put his head back again.

"No, it's okay. You just... surprised me."

Dean remained still for a minute, not knowing what to do. 

"It's okay, Dean. You can- uh- continue." 

Dean relaxed back into Cas. He kissed Cas's feathers some more and Cas felt like he was in Heaven all over again. Better than Heaven almost. Cas loved the feeling of Dean's lips on his feathers, and it was something he never thought would come to pass. 

"You like that?" Dean asked, observing Cas.

"Yes. It's... relaxing. You're the first human to touch my wings, Dean. I didn't know it would feel this... good. And then you just went and kissed it and-" Cas stopped.

"I didn't mean to violate you," Dean mumbled.

"No, you misunderstand me. I like it. I like your touch. It's soothing, it's- I don't know how to describe it, Dean. You have a way of making people feel loved," Cas said, the words just slipping out of his mouth uncontrollably.

Cas peaked at Dean, who stayed frozen at first but then relaxed.

"Well, most people think I'm a pain in the ass," Dean grinned, that child-like manner returning.

"And I never said you weren't," Cas fired back, with the same level of sass and ass. Dean shook his head, smiling. Cas placed his hand on top of Dean's, tracing the ring on Dean's finger. 

"Maybe this time around, it won't be so bad. I'm gonna pass out now, wake me up in 4 hours," Dean said. Cas said goodnight and Dean mumbled something inaudible in return. Dean fell asleep with Cas's wings muddled up in his fingers, and his head on Castiel's chest.


	9. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel have a challenging time out on the streets, hunting and surviving together, but it brings them closer than ever... like literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> On My Own- Ashes Remain

Dean woke up the next day, the sun shining through the broken cracks in the windows and walls and a gentle arm around his waist. He felt another body pressing up behind him but he didn't panic. The comfort of a soft velvet touch was gone, Castiel's wings were gone.

"Oh, good you're awake," Cas said, unlocking Dean from his warped arms and legs.

"Yeah, good morning to you too," Dean grumbled. He turned around lazily and almost kissed the angel.

Cas was smiling and it was a beautiful sight to wake up to. "How are we spending today?" Dean asked, trying to move away from Cas's mesmerizing blue eyes.

"We'll take the day as it comes. You need to eat first," Cas said watching as Dean groaned when he stood up, stretching his arms and legs.

"You're like a human pillow, you know that?" Dean said, reaching into his backpack.

Cas frowned, tilting his head, "I am neither human nor a pillow."

Dean shook his head, sipping some water and digging into his packaged goods. Dean offered some to Cas but the angel just declined it going, "I don't need to eat tor survive. You, on the other hand, do."

Dean packed everything back up, slinging the backup around his shoulder as he followed Castiel out to the streets.

"Cas, we gotta talk," Dean said, walking beside the angel, "What I said to you- what I did to you when I was under that spell. I didn't mean it. I know I hurt you, I remember everything. It was weird because I knew it wasn't me but at the same time, it was me? Am I making sense here?"

Cas nodded, "I know, Dean. It's history, I've moved on."

"Yeah, okay, but I haven't. I hurt you. I would never do that-" Dean was cut off when Cas put a steady hand to his chest. They both stopped walking.

"I know. I know you didn't mean it. I know you're sorry, and I forgive you. But you need to forgive yourself because it wasn't  _ you _ ." Dean gulped, Castiel's words floating around in his head like a mantra but he still felt guilty and uncomfortable. They continued walking side by side, Cas remained close to Dean, staying alert of their surroundings. Dean tried to make things more lighthearted- cracking jokes where he could just to rile up the angel. It wasn't long until they ran into a nest of vampires. Dean was quick and elegant with his moves, killing one vampire after another, swishing his machete around expertly in his hands. Cas used his powers and killed twice as many as Dean.

"Not fair, you're cheating," Dean shouted over the screaming.

Cas smirked without saying anything. One of the vamps took Dean by surprise, pushing him against the wall of an old abandoned building.

"A little help?" Dean growled at Cas.

"Thought you said I was cheating?" Cas teased, knowing full well Dean would be fine. Dean grunted as he kicked the vampire off him, grabbed a machete from the floor and swung it with all his might.

He glared at Cas, pushing him against the wall furiously, "I could have died. You wouldn't let me die from hypothermia last night, but vampires? Really Cas?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "I knew you would be okay. But if I'm going to get pushed against a wall every time I screw you over, then maybe I should just let it happen."

Dean narrowed his eyes, "And to think I said I enjoyed your company."

Cas smiled, "You done?"

Dean huffed and let go of Cas. He went and picked up the angel blade handing it over to Cas.

"This is going to be a long few days," Cas muttered, earning a quick glare from Dean.

\-------------------

It went on like that for about a week. Fighting, running hiding. Dean and Castiel became closer than ever. The nights were cold and chilly, so Dean snuggled with Cas. Cas brought out his wings every night to add extra heat and warmth to keep Dean alive. They flirted and drove each other up the walls, but they fought together too. They had each others' backs when it mattered. When they ran out of food, they robbed the supermarkets if they had any food left. When Dean was hurt, Cas healed him. When Cas was upset, Dean lifted his mood. They enjoyed each other's companies, but Dean missed his brother immensely.

A few days later, they stumbled into a stream.

"Oh my god, I can take a bath," Dean said, delighted, "Look out for any monsters or angels or whatever, yeah?"

Cas nodded, and quickly ripped his eyes away when Dean started stripping without a warning.

"I wonder how Sammy is doing," Dean conversed.

"I wonder too. I would text your brother but I want to save battery as much as I can. Sam said he'll call if he had any updates or plans," Cas said.

"You can turn around, Cas. What are we, five?" Dean said jokingly. Cas turned and Dean was in his boxers.

"Aren't you cold?" Cas asked, trying not to move his eyes down further than it should.

Dean grinned, "A little bit. You wanna come over here and warm me up?"

Cas rolled his eyes, "Go clean yourself."

Dean chuckled lightly, watching how red and flustered Cas was. Dean had a good wash in the stream, asking Cas to join him but Cas just said angels don't need to take showers, killing Dean's mood. After he was done, Dean grunted, "I don't have a towel."

"Dean, we're in the middle of an apocalypse."

Dean came out of the water and Cas couldn't take his eyes off the man. Dean's boxers stuck to his skin like superglue, his hair flopping about, wet and dripping water everywhere.

"Hey, maybe you can dry me up with that angel mojo of yours?" Dean suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Here," Cas said, slowly getting up and getting an extra shirt from the bag, "Clean yourself with this, we'll leave it to dry later." But even as he spoke he couldn't stop staring.

Dean thanked him and cleaned up as best as he could. He came up to Cas to grab his clothes once he was at least partially dry, asking Cas to turn around as he changed. When Cas looked back, Dean already had his pants on, quickly tightening his belt.

"You want a picture so you can stare longer?" Dean teased.

Cas grunted, "Shut up."

Dean snickered, watch Cas roll his eyes again as he had been doing a lot recently. He grabbed his bag and trekked up the hill beside Cas. 

"What are we doing, Cas?" Dean asked his voice quiet and small. This took Cas by surprise. He turned and faced Dean, halting his walk.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, as much as I enjoy being with you, where are we going? What are we doing? How long will I last until we find food or water again? What if something happens to you and we get separated again? What if I actually do die from hypothermia?" Dean asked, the questions floating around in his mind.

Cas frowned, placing a cool hand on Dean's shoulder, "We won't get separated, I promise. And as long as I'm here, I'll keep you well-fed and looked after."

Dean couldn't help but smile gently, "You know that used to be me with Sammy. When we were kids, sometimes dad wouldn't come home for weeks, and I would have to steal food for Sam. Sam, of course, had no idea. If he knew he would have been a righteous prick about it. I kept him safe. I kept him warm." Dean's voice trailed off. Dean sighed, staring down at his shoes.

Cas's hand slid from Dean's shoulder to his upper arm, "I know about your past, Dean. But now it's time for me to look after you. It's not your responsibility to look after everyone else."

"Yes, it is."

Cas shook his head, "No, it isn't. All your life, you had to be a brother, a father and a mother at the same time. It's been hammered into your mind that it's your sole duty to look after everyone since you were four, but that's not true. I can look after myself, Sam can look after himself pretty damn well too. I'm your friend, and as long as I am here, I'm going to take care of you."

Dean hated it when Cas got all emotional and sappy because he never knew how to respond to it. Cas had a way with words that made Dean feel all warm and mushy inside.

"Thanks, Cas," was all Dean could ever get out. And he hated himself for it. Cas deserved to know how much he was cared for as well, but Dean couldn't articulate his thoughts into coherent words.

Cas didn't seem to mind at all as he just pulled Dean along the path.

Cas always knew. Cas knew exactly how Dean felt because he saw it written all over his face. Dean didn't  _ need _ to say anything because his actions spoke numbers.

They arrived back on the streets in no time, Dean complaining about how hot it is in the middle of the day but how terrifyingly freezing it becomes at night. Cas walked beside him carrying the weapons bag as they stomped down the road. It was quiet, maybe a little too quiet, and that put Dean on edge. They kept walking, making small conversation about random things they missed from the past and wondering what Sam was up to. As the afternoon dawned in, they took a break and Dean had a quick snack. Cas worried about how little Dean was eating, it just wasn't right. Dean was a fighter, a warrior, and all fighters need energy that Dean was running pretty low on. Cas kept a close eye on Dean, trying to see if he was showing any signs of fatigue or anything but Dean kept his shoulders straight and head held high. When the evening came by, Cas found them an old office building that was broken down when Michael destroyed the world. There were rumble and slabs of stone everywhere as the building had caved in. Cas found a little neat spot, for them to spend the night in.

It was one of those nights, absolutely cold as ice. Dean was shivering even while cuddling close to Cas.

"Mother of Jesus-" Dean mumbled, his teeth clattering audibly. Castiel could feel the cold but it didn't bother him. He noticed how Dean was shivering all around and wrapped Dean up in his wings. It wasn't enough.

"Dean, close your eyes," Cas said gently. Dean obeyed. Cas put a hand to Dean's chest, and let his grace devour Dean and keep him warm.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked, feeling his entire body warm up instantly. It wasn't uncomfortable but Dean shifted a little.

"I'm using my grace to maintain your internal body temperature. Covering you with my wings won't be enough tonight," Cas said. Dean turned and looked at Cas, whose eyes were shimmering bright blue with grace.

"You can't keep this up," Dean muttered.

"I won't have to," Cas replied. Dean remained silent, watching Cas.

"How do you feel?" Cas asked after a while, eyes returning to the kind ocean blue that Dean admired. 

"Better." Cas held Dean close to him. Dean's fingers interlocked into Castiel's gorgeous black wings. Cas let Dean play with his feathers, watching as the hunter settled down back to a child again.

"Have I told you how fucking beautiful your wings are?" Dean said.

Cas smiled, "Only a few thousand times." Dean kissed the feathers over and over again, making Cas's heart flutter.

"I love them," Dean said absentmindedly. Cas could have never imagined he would feel so comfortable being this intimate with Dean, sleeping close together, letting Dean man-handle and kiss his feathers, holding Dean close to him. He just wished circumstances were different. Dean drifted off to sleep, going limp in Cas's chest.

When Dean woke up, and for the first time, Castiel wasn't there. He began to panic and fret. He stood up, calling out for Cas over and over again. Cas quickly entered, on the phone looking relaxed. Dean felt a wave of relief overcome him.

"Yes, Sam. Thank you," Cas ended the call.

"Where the fuck were you?" Dean asked.

Cas paused, "You were worried?"

"Of course I was worried, you idiot. That was Sam?"

Cas nodded, "Sam says he found another camp further down south. He told us to go to them and seek help."

"It's tempting but do you really think they'll want to take in an angel and a Winchester?" Dean asked, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"Dean, we can't stay here. The nights are getting colder by the day, food is a struggle, and I can tell you're exhausted by how you pass out every night. We need help," Cas said. 

"So... what you're saying is that you can't look after me after all?" Dean asked, watching Cas's expression twist into something undetectable, maybe even a hint of anger. 

"You know that's NOT what I meant. Come on."

Dean nodded in return not bothering to argue this time. Dean had a quick snack as "breakfast" and they set out on foot again. This time, they came across one of Michael's mutant monsters. Cas was the first to react, his protective instincts kicking in faster than Dean's. Together, they were able to decapitate the monster.

"I hate these fuckers," Dean grumbled, gripping the weapon tightly in his hands.

Cas noticed the cut on Dean's lower lip and the blood dripping down his face, "You're hurt." Cas stepped forward, placing a hand slowly on Dean's cheek. After a few moments, Dean was patched up again, good as new.

"Thanks," he muttered. Cas rubbed his thumb on Dean's cheek absentmindedly, before getting back out onto the road. Dean followed suit soundlessly. 


	10. Leading the pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see how the camp changes and evolves as Sam takes up his place as the leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Leading the pack- Sam Tinnesz

It had been around a week after Dean and Castiel had left and Sam had stepped up to take charge. He felt lonelier and a little lost at first without Castiel by his side and his brother nagging on his other side. But Sam was a natural-born leader and everyone in their camp knew that. Sam made sure to tell David off for his atrocious behaviour and how he won't tolerate that sort of behaviour from  _ anyone _ , threatening to kick _ him _ out if the time arrives. David shut up real quick after that. Inias helped Sam where he could, helping with their training and checking up on everyone. The camp was much quieter, everyone seemed to be in some sort of a gloomy slump ever since Castiel's leaving.

Sam had found the kids and teenagers at camp had banded together, Clarissa at the head of it all. They wanted to learn how to fight, to be prepared. Sam watched one day, as one of the older teenagers, Hayley and Tyler took charge, guiding and helping the younger ones learn how to fight on their special training grounds that were equipped with mats. Sam couldn't help but smile. Even when the days got tough, they had each other.

It was a few days later that Sam got news of another camp down south and it had completely thrown him off guard. There were other survivors?

Sam quickly grabbed his phone after dismissing two men, and immediately called Castiel, "Cas?"

"Hello Sam," Cas replied. Sam exhaled in relief, feeling better knowing that Cas was alive and well.

"How are you and Dean holding up?" Sam asked, pacing back and forth in his room.

"Dean and I are well. We found some more empty supermarkets with food so that's good. Some nights have been cold but we're managing. How are you?" Cas asked gently.

Sam sighed, knowing Dean was in good hands, "We're managing too. It's been a bit rough, the tension in the air, you know? But I have good news. So I got news from a few people that there's a camp down south maybe 2 days from our camp? I think you and Dean should go there and check the place out. Maybe, hopefully, they'll let you stay."

"Really? Sam, this is great news! I will talk to Dean about this and we will head out. I think it should be a week's walk if my sense of direction is correct, which it usually is. Have you been in touch with this camp?" Cas asked curiously.

Sam shook his head forgetting Cas couldn't see him, "No, not yet. We're not quite sure exactly where they are to even reach out to them. I'm planning on sending out some people to check the place out."

"That's amazing, Sam, thank you. Is anyone causing you trouble over there?" Cas asked.

Sam laughed, "Not yet. I told David off for this shit he pulled on you guys and I'll be damned if he tries again. Is Dean awake yet?"

"No, he's still asleep. I can wake him up for you?"

"No, no, let him rest. How is he?"

Sam heard Cas sigh deeply, "I don't know. Dean and I have been getting… close. He pretends like everything's fine but I know he's not. He's scared I think."

"Scared to be out on his own again, it makes sense. Listen, Cas I gotta go. I'll call you again sometime. I wanna talk to Dean."

"Of course, yes, Sam. Thank you."

"See ya, Cas," Sam ended the call. He stopped pacing, staring down at his phone with a soft smile.  _ They're okay.  _ He finally felt like he could breathe again.

\-------------------

The next day Sam took the morning to continue training and then later gathered everyone for a meeting. He informed them of the new camp they had found, arranging and sending out small teams to check out the camp. The news of another camp excited everyone, speaking in hushed voices. Sam sorted out three separate teams to make the journey to the new camp, hoping that they would be understanding. When you're a Winchester, you expect some sort of pushback from other hunters. Sam decided to go with them, leaving Inias in charge of their camp until his return.

The camp was a 2 days drive from them, which meant it would probably Dean and Castiel twice or three times as long to reach there. So Sam decided to take initiative and they left in the coming morning.

They prepared tents, food, water, warm clothing for the chilly nights and set out on their trucks. Sam was in the 1st group of five, alongside two guys called Jude and Colin and two girls named Lilly and Freya. Both girls had joined recently but they could handle a machete like you wouldn't believe. Two more groups (three people each) followed suit. They spent a few hours driving and sharing stories until the night drew in and they decided to take shelter. They slept in rotations so should any monsters come along, they weren't left defenceless. Sam and Freya took the first round, and stay awake with their weapons at the ready. Freya was a strongly built woman, blonde curly locks of hair bouncing on her shoulders as she walked. She wore a comfortable jacket and jeans, and a necklace around her neck.

"Interesting necklace," Sam commented. The necklace had a gold pendant on it with a carving of a large S.

"Oh, the S stands for Seliski. My family was originally from the Netherlands and I want to remember where I came from," She said with a smile. They chatted some more about their families, of course, Sam had plenty of insane and unbelievable stories about his family. Finding their father, starting the apocalypse, becomes best friends with an angel, drinking demon blood. Naturally, Sam filtered out the nasty details, nobody wants to know about the time a demon chick got you hooked on demon blood.

The next morning Sam woke up, got packed before the others and decided to call Castiel to reach Dean. 

It was Cas who answered but then offered the phone to Dean. 

"Heya Sammy," Dean answered, causing Sam to smile widely into the phone. 

"Hey, Dean. How are you holding up?" Sam asked, observing their surroundings carefully. They rested up in a forest area, the trees providing enough safety and shelter. He saw his teammates packing and snacking to regain their strength for the day. 

"I'm alright, I guess. Having Cas around makes one hell of a difference you know? So he says y'all found another camp?"

"Oh yeah, we're on the way actually. About a day out now. Not sure if my phone will last that long so if I disappear for a while, don't worry," Sam reassured Dean. 

"Sure thing, brother. I wish we could come back home," Dean said quietly. 

"I know, man. Look we'll work things out okay. Just one step at a time. You and Cas look after each other," Sam said. 

Dean sighed, "Yeah, we are. He's... well, you know, he's Cas." 

Sam laughed in return, "Oh, trust me I know. Listen, I should get back. We're getting ready to get back on the road again. Take care, Dean." 

"I'll try. You take care too Sammy." 

They continued like that for 2 days, switching shifts and chatting, fighting monsters, demons, vampires and whatever else that got in their way. Sam fought side by side with everyone, he never ordered them around, when he had to give out orders, he always considered what everyone else thought, taking their concerns and opinions into say too. Their crew got along well with Sam. To be fair, it was pretty easier to get along with Sam as it was with Castiel. They were both headstrong but kind and compassionate leaders, and everyone felt as though they could put their trust in Sam as they did with Castiel. Sam always wondered about Dean and Cas, wondering how they were doing but he knew deep down that they were okay. They had to be.

The nights drew in, impossibly colder with each passing hour. The days dragged out, exhaustion weighed heavily on their shoulders but they pushing on. They had to.


	11. What do you think of me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Lay by me- Ruben

Dean and Castiel walked and walked and walked until their feet burned and throbbed in pain. Cas was determined to reach that camp down south as soon as possible but Dean was only human. It had been 2 days since Sam's unexpected but hopeful call and Cas was fired up now more than ever. Dean really didn't mind. It was a nice change of pace to see Cas's eyes shine with hope and faith that everything would be okay because truth be told, Dean didn't share those same sentiments. 

Dean woke up the next day, neck-straining after resting on Castiel's shoulder. Cas had his eyes closed, and Dean knew he probably wasn't asleep regardless. 

"You're staring again," Cas muttered gently. He was right.

Dean smirked, "How do you always-"

"I can hear your heartbeat increase slightly when you wake up," Cas said, eyes slowly fluttering open.

"You're fucking weird man," Dean chuckled lightly, "Stop listening to my organs."

"I'm sorry, Dean, I don't really sleep. What you expect me to do? Learn tap dance? Play dead?" Cas asked sarcastically. Dean grumbled, still smiling, pushing Cas to the side playfully. His stomach rumbled louder, and Cas scowled.

"You're hungry," Cas said, matter-of-factly.

"I'm fine, let's get going."

Dean stood up, ignoring the quenching pain in his stomach like his stomach was literally eating itself out. He downed some water (Cas noticed how little it was) and swung the backpack on. Cas followed as Dean they entered the streets again. After a few short minutes, they encountered a few vampires. But Dean's exhaustion, dehydration and hunger got the better of him this time. He almost got bit, the vampire kneeling on him as he laid motionless and weak on the ground. Cas came around right on time to kill the monster, helping Dean back to his feet.

"Dean, you should eat."

Dean shook his head furiously, "No. No. I need to save these cans for later."

Cas stopped him, pulling him to the side into the shadows. He raised his voice but only a little, "Damnit Dean. You need energy. That vampire almost got the best of you just now. A  _ vampire _ . One you would usually just rip their head off with little effort. I'm worried for you, Dean. I know you try not to show it, but you are exhausted and your body is screaming."

Dean frowned at him, crossing his arms across his chest stubbornly, "And how would you know?"

"I remade your body from dust,  _ I would know _ ."

That was enough to convince Dean, who simply sighed, sagging his head. He also didn't want to argue with Cas because it was clear Cas would always win. They took a short break as Dean opened one of the canned food and devoured it hungrily.

Afterwards, Dean felt much stronger and more alert and awake. The rest of the day was fairly normal, another monster or two tried to attack but this time, Dean was much faster on his feet.

The night time drew in and it wasn't as cold as the boys had anticipated it.

"Oh, this is brilliant," Dean grinned, jumping around with so much energy now that, for the first time in a while, he's not freezing his ass away.

Cas just simply rolled his eyes at him. The moon rose high above them which was enough to light up the entire shop they were crashing at. Cas soundlessly grabbed Dean's hands pulling him in.

"Wha-" Dean muttered, eyes locking with the ocean blue ones.

"Just shut up for once," Cas said. Dean just sighed in return and began to relax. He placed his arms around Cas's waist pulling their bodies close together. Being this close should probably feel strange and uncomfortable but at this point, it didn't. It was quite the opposite. Dean had never felt safer.

"I wanna go home," Dean mumbled into Cas's ear, leaning in and resting his head on Cas's shoulder carefully. His chaotic active energy sizzled down as he eased into Cas's hold.

"I know, Dean. But right now, we just have each other," Cas said placing his hand gently on the back of Dean's neck. Dean liked it when Cas did random shit like that. It was unexpected and sometimes it made him nervous but he liked and yearned for Cas's touch. Dean held Cas as if he was gold, very gently and delicately. Because to him, Cas  _ was _ gold. Cas was an  _ angel _ , and Dean realised that he treats Cas like shit way too often.

"Cas, thank you. For making sure I don't die every day and every night," Dean said, subconsciously licking his lips.

Cas smiled, "You're not too hard to look after when you're not running around being a stubborn self-sacrificing bitch."

This caused Dean to laugh, a full head back loud laugh that was pretty much music to Castiel's ears. Dean shook his head smiling comfortably for the first time in weeks.

"I've missed hearing your laugh," Cas said, lips curving into a smile. He brought Dean's hands away from his waist and into his palms. Dean held his breath as Cas held Dean's right hand carefully. They stared at each other, getting lost in each other's gaze, but this didn't faze either of them. Dean looked at their hands, and let his mind wander off for a while. Dean always knew he and Cas had a special bond, but sometimes that bond was his Achille's heel. But at moments like these, he noticed how Cas's hands fit into his rough marred ones perfectly. How Cas was holding him like he was the most important person in the world.

Cas placed his other hand on Dean's left shoulder, the same place he had left a mark somewhat 10 years ago. Cas realised Dean was watching him too, remembering the same thing.

"I made quite the mark on you, huh?" Cas asked.

Dean bit his lips tensely, "Yeah, you bet. Having sex with that motherfucker on my skin was a pain in the ass. Like how do I explain,  _ oh yeah, this angel rescued me from hell and left his handprint behind _ . You know most people just leave their phone numbers."

Cas snorted, "I really didn't mean to leave a mark. When I pulled you from hell, I gripped you so tight because I was scared the demons would pull you away as I fought my way out."

Dean's eyes widened, "You know, we've never really talked about this… about hell."

Cas narrowed his eyes, observing Dean, "Do you  _ want _ to talk about it? We were always in the middle of an apocalypse. We never had time to... talk."

Dean hesitated a little before nodding. Hell was still a sensitive topic for Dean, the trauma creeping up from the back of his mind.

They were still swaying to no music, hand in hand, "The other angels mostly did the fighting, they created a pathway for me to get to you. But even with that, the demons were ruthless. Alastair especially," Cas watched as Dean squirmed a little at the mention of his abuser. Cas squeezed Dean's hand reassuringly, waiting for Dean to relax before continuing, "When I found you, you were broken. You begged me to end your life. But I held you and fixed you up. I put your soul back together. And then I recreated your body, all the way down to each living cell."

Dean was mesmerised with Cas's words, "So… you've seen like all of me?"

Cas nodded with a blank expression, "I've seen you at your lowest and your highest, Dean. I remember all your birthmarks, I know all your weak spots, I know you down to each cell. I fixed your human body before raising your soul. When I put your soul back to your body, I made sure to erase your memories of ever meeting me in hell. Those were my orders."

Dean's eyes went wide, "Wait, backtrack a little there. When you say you fixed my body, like, you healed it?"

"Dean, you had been dead for 6 months! You were rotting in that coffin. I had to rebuild your entire body, each organ, nerve, each hair on your skin, your freckles, your birthmarks, your anti-possession tattoo on your chest. I healed your old wounds, that… that your father gave you. I wanted you to have a clean slate if you will."

Dean stopped swaying, "You saw all that?" 

"They were all mostly healed, but yes. I know I can't heal your mental scars, but I did what I could." Dean closed his eyes, it was almost too much.

"Dean?" Cas asked.

"I don't know what to feel about you knowing me down to all my fucking cells," Dean muttered, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Cas's concerned expression softened, "You need not worry. I only want the best for you. I know we've been through a lot of ups and more downs. We fight a lot, say things we don't mean, things that hurt. But you're my family, Dean. I would never take advantage of you."

Dean nodded, "I know, Cas. I just- it's kinda cute that you know everything but also kinda creepy."

Cas laughed, "I understand."

Dean looked at him, "So, what did you think?"

"Think of what?"

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning in before whispering,  _ "of me." _

Cas tensed up, and Dean wondered if he pushed his luck this time.

"I like your freckles."

Dean couldn't stop smiling, "What do you think of my birthmark on my inner thigh?"

Cas wanted to pass out, "I like that too."

Dean loved teasing him, "You know, a lot of the women I've slept with don't know about that one. You're one of the special few."

Dean watched as Cas turned a whole new shade of pink, "Oh."

"Relax, feathers. It's all cool," Dean grinned. When Dean realised Cas was still on edge, he pulled Cas into a warm hug.

"I don't know why you got so nervous about this when I've been kissing your friggin' feathers for weeks every night," Dean muttered into Cas's shoulders. 

Dean pulled away.

"I just- didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Humans are unpredictable,  _ you're _ unpredictable. I didn't want you to think I invaded your privacy or-"

"Castiel, you literally saved me from hell. Like actual hell. I mean that was eons ago but man, I think we're good," Dean said.

Dean dragged his body away from Cas, unlocking their fingers and stepping away. Cas watched Dean, still.

"I think I need more private dance practices. Maybe later?" Dean suggested.

Cas smiled, "Sure, Dean."

\-------------------

The next morning, Dean felt extremely self-conscious. Flirting, throwing around puns and generally being around with Cas felt natural, but dancing with Cas was something else, something new and extremely intimate that he wasn't used to it. Cas sensed Dean's tension, but all their worries died down when they ran into a couple of werewolves. Once Cas had killed the last one, he saw Dean panting on the floor, his hand still gripping the machete.

"Need a hand?" Cas asked, offering his hand.

"More like a whole new set of ribs," Dean grunted, but he took Cas's hands and pulled himself up, "I'm pretty sure my lungs are collapsing." He found it much harder to breathe, and his chest was aching in a way he had never thought was possible. Everything stung and ached, and the pain was sending weird shockwaves to his head. Cas put his weapons back in the bag and looked at Dean frowning.

"May I?" The angel asked, pointing to Dean's chest.

"Do whatever you want, man, I'm already fucked anyway," Dean mumbled. Cas's frown deepened sending silent daggers to Dean with his eyes. Castiel placed his hands, yes both of them, inside Dean's shirt, holding Dean's stomach in his hands. Dean held the shirt up in support. He closed his eyes and redirected his grace into Dean's lungs, ribs, pancreas, stomach and whatever was injured. Dean watched Cas's frown melt and fade away as he focused. When Cas finished, he pulled his hands away.

"Better?" He asked.

Dean nodded, looking down at his stomach with a grin, "You're a miracle."

Cas sighed, "No, I am an angel. Why were you so careless?"

Dean put his shirt back down and shifted his feet, "What's the point either way? We're both probably gonna die soon in this place anyway, right?"

Cas's frown made another appearance, "No, we are not."

Dean rolled his eyes exasperated, "Yeah, yeah."

Dean pushed past Cas quickly but Cas caught his arm, "Dean, stop. Your life is not yours to just throw away, we've been through this. I spent all that time trying to find you, I won't let you just give up now."

Dean always admired Castiel's determination and strength. Sometimes, he wished he had that same fire the angel had. But they had spent 4 weeks out in the streets and Dean was growing tired of everything.

"Alright, Cas. I know. I'm sorry. Just- can we leave?" Dean asked quietly. Cas sighed, sending a quick glare at Dean before he led the way out.

The spent the next few hours wandering and waiting for more monsters to attack but nothing came their way.

It was now nighttime and Cas knew he had to find a safe spot for Dean to get some sleep, so his pace quickened.

Dean stole a glance as Cas before going, "How far is this camp?"

"Maybe a day or two now. In here," Cas beckoned Dean. They entered a hotel or what used to be a hotel. Only now it was old and grey and dusty. Cas found a small area probably where the lounge used to be and there was a sofa.

"You can sleep there," Cas said. He went over and dusted the sofa a little, coughing as the particles travelled up his lungs.

Dean looked a little upset so Cas went, "What?"

"Nothing. I just- I've gotten so used to uh- being with you."

Cas rolled his eyes, "it's not as cold tonight and trust me, you can survive one night without me. I'll stay here and watch over you."

Dean nodded and laid down on the sofa, his tired eyes closing fast.

It was in the middle of the night when Cas heard a small whimper from Dean. He cracked his head so fast and hurried over to see Dean mumbling something and twisting and turning.

"Damnit, Dean," Cas muttered. He pulled the hunter up a little, enough to sit down and place Dean's head on Castiel's lap. Cas brought his wings over to the Earthly plane and rested them on top of Dean, who stopped mumbling. Dean's hands naturally found Cas's wings and nestled into the feathers. Cas couldn't help but smile. Every time Dean had a nightmare, Cas would bring over his wings and it calmed the hunter down.

Dean woke up to a weird sense of loneliness. He couldn't see Cas anywhere, and he panicked. He rolled over, and collapsed to the floor but quickly found his footing. He called out for Cas, over and over again but there was no reply. Not a single sound could be heard. Now, Dean was really starting to worry. 

_ This is  _ not _ happening again,  _ Dean's mind wandered. 

"Cas? Where are you?" Dean went outside and there was a trail of blood. His entire heart fell to the floor, as he chased after the trail. He arrived at the dirty alleyway right on time to see Cas stabbing a vampire with his angel blade and then decapitating it. The head rolled to Dean's feet.

"Oh, good morning," Cas said plainly.

" _ Good morning? _ You stupid son of a bitch, I thought something happened to you!" Dean said, raising his voice. Cas opened his mouth but then closed it. Dean was now close to his face enough to feel his breath.

"I went outside, and there was this trail of blood, and- and I thought- fuck- I thought something jumped you," Dean said almost breathless.

"Dean, I'm okay. And yes something  _ did  _ jump me. This vampire came and tackled me, but things turned out fine," Cas said with a shrug.

Cas saw how worried and scared Dean looked and he hated it, "Dean, I swear I'm okay."

"Don't do that again, you hear me? If any monsters come our way, you fucking wake me up and we deal with it together, got it?" Dean said, trying to calm his breathing.

"Yes, I understand," Cas said, narrowing his eyes and watching Dean carefully. Dean sighed and stared at the head bleeding out on the floor. He beckoned Cas back to grab their things before taking off again.


	12. You're the only thing that I think I got right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the roar of the storm became louder and louder, the rain continued to thump down on them at a tremendous force. Dean winced at every crack of thunder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Supernatural never spoke about this issue where Cas had to practice killing fake versions of Dean in s8 and I was so bitter about it so I brought it up here. And a little surprise in the end.  
> -  
> Song for the chapter:  
> Lover of Mine- 5SOS

What no one was prepared for, was the massive thunderstorm that struck them that night. They had another day's walk to that new camp everyone was so anxious about but the thunderstorm had come out of nowhere.

Cas knew Dean hated the crash and boom of thunder. Years ago, when there were thunderstorms in Lebanon Cas had asked, "Why are you so afraid?" 

Dean had simply shrugged and muttered a small, "I know it's fucking years ago, but it still reminds me of the crack of the whip I would hear before-" 

Cas never pressed further after that. But when the storms had come, striking the bunker intensely, Cas always stayed with Dean in Dean's little room, telling him stories about Gabriel being an annoying prick of a brother, or asking what Dean wanted for his next birthday. 

During the apocalypse, when Dean had been completely alone, it was almost unbearable. The sound, the lightning, and the thunder shook him more than he would like to admit. But this time around, it was different. He had Cas. 

The rain started to splatter on the building they were hidden in.

"This is so shit, dude," Dean whined. As the roar of the storm became louder and louder, the rain continued to thump down on them at a tremendous force. Dean winced at every crack of thunder.

"Dean, come here," Cas said, his voice steady and loud over the noise. Dean turned to see what Cas was talking about and Cas was patting the open space on his laps. Dean shook his head wildly. And then there was another ear-striking crack that made Dean reconsider Cas's offer. Dean sat on Cas's lap, swinging his legs around the angel's waist comfortably so that they were face to face. 

"I hate this weather," Dean said, fiddling with Castiel's tie trying to distract himself from the light and the sounds. 

"I know. Shall I tell you a story?" Cas asked.

"I'm not five, Cas-" Another boom. Dean ducked his head as if he was expecting something to fly out at him. Cas put his hand on Dean's back steadily.

"Okay, go ahead," Dean rephrased, looking up again, staring at Cas's ocean blue eyes.

"I'll tell you about the time Naomi forced me to kill thousand fake versions of you, back when she was mind-controlling me. I never told you any of this because I didn't want to cause you more pain, but you deserve to know," Cas said.

Dean's mouth fell open, "You're joking…"

"I am not. Although I wish I was. She quickly realised that you were my greatest weakness, and she tried to use it against me. She would train me, day in day out. At first, I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill you, even though I knew it wasn't you at all. I knew it was a fake version, but I couldn't do it. She forced my hand, Dean. Over and over again. I think it was around the 600th Fake Dean when I could kill you without breaking down," Cas sounded so devastated and Dean despised it, "Even so, I think Naomi knew I was resisting. So, she kept going. Putting you and me in different scenarios, forcing me to kill you."

"What kind of scenarios, Cas?" Dean asked, unsure if this was a safe question or not.

"Most of it was on hunts. We would be on different hunts, just us, but some of them were really pleasant too. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, New Year's Eve, your birthday…" Cas droned on. Dean's eyes went wide in shock. He had no idea Cas had been tortured to this extent and his blood boiled at the mere thought of it. 

"I think the worst one was on your birthday. You were so happy, Dean," Cas glanced up, meeting Dean's eyes, "You had this incredible bright smile on your face when Sam brought out the cake I made for you." Cas's eyes shifted as he looked back down again.

"But in every version, you would beg me not to kill you. I think that's where she went wrong. Because ultimately when it came down that day in that crypt, you didn't beg for your life, you asked me, the real me, to come back. That was something Naomi never took into consideration." Cas went silent. The thunder had died down a little but the rain was still hammering down.

Dean sighed, trying to meet the angel's eyes, "Cas, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. But you kept fighting, and you beat her."

Cas finally looked up, "No, Dean. _You_ beat her. _You_ pulled me back. And still, I hurt you." Cas traced Dean's face, where he had punched him until Dean had been bleeding to a pulp.

Dean pulled Cas's hands away, "No. Come on, I probably deserved that for being a dick to you. But you fought through her bullshit mind control, Cas. _You_ did that."

That's when the heat became too much. Cas looked so broken and drained, and the rain outside definitely wasn't helping. Dean did the only thing his mind could come up with. He cupped Cas's face delicately, and kissed him. This wasn't the first time they've done this. The first time Dean kissed Cas was in Purgatory; it had been quick and sudden and they both pretended like it never happened. The second time that happened was on a random vampire hunt somewhat 2 years ago when Dean had been so exhausted and beaten that Cas had yelled at him for being careless, so Dean kissed him to shut him up. Both those kisses had been different, the first had been quick, the second a little hungry, but this one at this moment was filled with love. Dean's lips moulded into Cas's, his body shifting closer so that they were one. Cas kissed back with equal desire and love that Dean had never felt before, and it was overwhelming, to say the least. Dean's brain short-circuited, like a wave of electricity smacking his brain back to reality, and he slowly pulled away, hands trailing down to Cas's coat. 

"You're the strongest fucking angel I've ever known, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise," Dean grumbled, pulling Cas into a tight desperate hug.

Cas muttered a small, "thank you" before pushing Dean away from him. Dean looked up, listening to the rain that was much calmer, lightly drizzled over them. The thunder and lightning had completely dissipated.

"Hey, would ya look at that," Dean grinned. Cas watched Dean's smile grow brighter and could help himself from smiling too. Dean sighed, now suddenly exhausted, like his fatigue was hitting him all at the same time. He put his head to Cas's chest, muttering a small "goodnight" as he passed out.

The next morning, Cas had a sudden gut feeling that they would make it. When Dean woke up, legs still around Cas's waist, his chest against Cas, he groaned, still weary. 

"Dean, wake up," Cas said, trying to shake Dean awake.

"Just one more minute. You're so comfortable, angel," Dean grumbled into Cas's chest. Cas rolled his eyes, but then after a minute exactly, he shook Dean again. 

Dean frowned, slowly forcing his eyes open, "You're no fun, you know that?" When he pulled away, his lips brushed against Cas's jawline accidentally. Cas simply ignored it. 

"I want to make it to that camp before nightfall, so get up," Cas replied. 

"Alright, alright." 

Dean looked down at the way he had just fallen asleep on Cas, "Sorry about- uh- all this." 

Cas only stared at him, " _T_ _his_ is the least of my worries right now, Dean. Come on. Have some food and get ready, we leave in ten." 

"You're bossy," Dean muttered, still doing as he was told. 

After breakfast (not sure if you can call canned food a "breakfast"), they were back out on the road. Castiel picked up his pace, making sure Dean was able to keep up with him. They entered an area with a bunch of trees. It looked eerie and dark inside and Dean wasn't too sure. 

"Cas, it looks like a forest. I don't think this is the way."

But Cas, completely ignoring him, stepped forward. Dean quickly grabbed his hand, pulling him back. 

"Are you shitting me?" Dean hissed at him. 

Cas yanked his hand away, eyes wide, "Dean, Dean, it's through here. I'm sure of it. Come on." Dean sighed but grabbed the other angel blade in his hands just in case, following Cas into the never-ending crowd of trees. Cas led the way, trekking over broken branches from the previous night's thunderstorm. Dean followed him, groaning as he got bitten by some mosquitoes, or when he almost tripped and fell over.

"You know where we're going?" Dean asked. The forest was dark and where the leaves were parted to the side, the sun shone down on them in small patches. 

"Yes, Dean." The trees swayed with the wind as if to say they agree. After a few quiet moments of hiking in the marsh, they came across a stream with stones protruding out of the water. Cas elegantly skipped on the stones, to the other side of the stream. 

"Come on," Cas said, beckoning Dean to follow. Dean did exactly what Cas did but he nearly missed his footing at the end. He was about to fall into the stream when Cas immediately reached over and grabbed Dean before he could fall. 

"Thanks," Dean said, feeling the heat from Castiel's hand travel to his waist. 

"You good?" Cas asked. 

Dean just nodded, and Cas withdrew his hand quickly, feet moving hastily through the unstable ground below them. Cas kept close to Dean this time around, a little worried but Dean could stand his ground well. 

They came to a clearing, where no massive oak trees were hovering over them, or small scrubs of bushes swaying near their feet. 

It was a clearing with mowed grass in the centre and a massive rusty old gate on the opposite end, leading to the rest of the forest. Castiel and Dean stepped forward, instinctively trying to get to the gate to see what it was, but Cas stopped, putting a warning hand in front of Dean. He narrowed his eyes, scanning the area. Dean heard what the angel's ears had picked up before he could. It was the sound of a gun cocking. 

"Cas," Dean breathed slowly. Cas took out his angel blade defensively, which was a cue for Dean to follow his lead.

"Hello?" Castiel spoke into the silent void ahead. 

"Are you stupid or insane?" Dean hissed in his right ear. 

"Who are you?" An unfamiliar voice replied from what seemed to be inside the gate. 

"I'm Castiel. And I have Dean Winchester here with me. We mean no harm, we just need your help." 

Cas waited, Dean played with the angel blade in his hands, both of them ready for an attack, but they both fell into a speechless silence when they heard the heavy footsteps and a little body with blonde curls storm out of the gate. 

_"Claire?"_


	13. Old Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean and Cas stumble upon some familiar faces, things take a sudden change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Love you goodbye- One Direction

Claire Novak stepped out of the shadows, wearing a dirty green jacket, boots and a shotgun posed in her arms. She lowered her shotgun as her eyes settled on Dean and Castiel staring at her in absolute shock.

"Cas? Dean?" She muttered, eyes wide in confusion. She hurried forward, signalling the others to lower their weapons. A few men and women stepped out of their hiding places, staring at Claire worried. 

"Claire? How are you…?" Cas whispered, pulling Claire into a massive bear hug. Claire held on to Cas before letting go and throwing herself onto Dean.

"It's so good to see you, Claire," Dean muttered burying his face into her jacket.

"About damn time! Sam said we'd see you guys around," She said.

"Sam's here?" Dean asked, propping his head up.

"He was, but they headed back only a few long hours ago. Come on inside, we'll catch up." Claire indicated, leading Dean and Cas through the massive gates. They walked through a few shrubs and trees until they came face to face with a huge stone building perhaps the size of a factory itself. They entered the building and Dean's nerves immediately calmed down as another familiar face rushed to his arms.

"Jody? Donna?" Dean asked, his voice breaking halfway. Donna, who was wearing her brown leather jacket with a shotgun in her hands, caught Cas in a tight warm hug, while Jody buried Dean in her arms.

"You guys made it. I knew you would!" Donna screeched.

"You guys are okay?" Dean asked, checking the girls up and down.

Jody nodded, "More than okay. We run this place!" Cas looked at Dean, eyes shining with so much hope it was overwhelming.

"We found you," Dean spluttered speechlessly. They were finally safe.

"You betcha!" Donna squealed excitedly. Dean grinned in return, following the three women down the hallway, ignoring the suspicious eyes of strangers. Dean turned to quickly look at Cas who looked visibly much more relaxed, possibly the most relaxed he'd been since they were kicked out. Dean slowed his pace a little, enough to entangle his fingers into Cas's right hand.

"You'll be safe here, don't worry," Claire blabbered on, "Although we don't really have much space here, there's only one available room…" Claire turned, eyes shifting from Dean to Cas.

Cas shrugged unfazed, "It's not a problem. I don't need to sleep anyway." Dean couldn't hear a single thing because his brain was circling the fact that they were finally safe with people he considered _family._ It was almost too good to be true.

"Come on, Dean, Cas. Let me show you to your room. You'll have to get washed up first, we'll lend you some clothes, and you can come out for dinner," Jody said, taking the lead and guiding them through halls filled with unrecognisable faces.

\------------------- 

The room Jody showed them to, was small yet comfortable. She passed Dean a change of clothes, asking him to leave his dirty ones for her to wash up. Cas just used his grace to clean up to which Jody replied with an exasperated, _"angels."_

Dean had a marvellous shower, the best he's had in ages. He stayed in there for around twenty minutes just rinsing away the blood, sweat, tears, pain and death burned onto his skin. He dried himself up, changed into some new clothes and slowly walked into the main dining room. Jody and Donna were sitting with Claire and Cas in their table. A few heads turned as Dean entered, whispers spreading throughout the room. Dean heard a few of them as he went to grab all the food he possibly could, bacon, fruits, vegetables, bread and eggs. Most of the whispers were on the similar lines of _"It's him, Dean Winchester."_

Dean droned out the murmurs and made himself comfortable next to Cas.

"Really?" Cas asked nodding to Dean's plate, "Bit heavy for dinner don't you think?"

"Shut your piehole, I haven't had proper food in weeks, okay?" Dean fired back defensively, stabbing the vegetables with his fork.

Cas just smiled in return, "Of course, Dean. I'm not judging."

"So, Cas has been filling us in about all the nitty-gritty details about your little trip. I'm sorry you went through that," Jody said empathetically.

Dean swallowed his bacon before speaking, "Yeah, it sucked ass, but we're here now, eh?"

"Sam said that he wanted to speak with you and Cas. He wants to join our camps if I'm not wrong, but we need to plan everything properly. We can coordinate an attack together," Jody was rambling on but Dean was too tired to pay attention. Claire noticed the way Dean's hands moved slower as he ate, nodding absentmindedly.

"Cas, so you searched for Dean for a whole year? How come he never bumped into us?" Claire asked curiously, determined to change the topic.

Cas nodded sternly, "Dean was on the far end opposite this camp, I believe. He wouldn't have run into your camp here. And yes, I searched and I found him."

Dean smiled weakly finishing his vegetables and eggs, "Cas is a keeper. Anyways, how's everything on this end?"

"It's been quiet, we've been trying to scope out where Michael is hiding before your brother found us. Lost a few good men in some hunts. You know, there are these weird hybrid things, and it's made everyone restless," Donna said in a hushed voice.

Dean and Cas nodded simultaneously. They both moved their right hand forward without thinking, but it was Cas that spoke out first, "Yes, Rowena found that Michael has started creating hybrids successfully. Decapitation works."

"When in doubt, cut 'em heads off," Donna replied. Claire was silent on the table, and Dean who was sitting across from her noticed.

"What happened to the others? Kaia? Alex? Patience?" Dean asked. Claire stared down at her food.

"They didn't make it, Dean," Jody replied quietly.

Claire dropped her fork with a cling, "We don't know that! We don't know what happened to them!"

Jody put a gentle hand on Claire's back, "You're right, but-"

Claire pulled away, "Stop. Cas searched and found Dean. I'm sure Kaia is out there. And Alex and Patience too."

Jody sighed, "Perhaps." It just dawned on Dean how lucky they got, and how much worse it could have been. 

"Anyway, you boys must be exhausted. We can talk with Sam tomorrow and figure everything out. No rush, you know, just the end of the world," Donna smirked. Dean finished his plate quickly, following Claire out to clean the plates.

"How did you survive the nights though?" Claire asked, "It was pretty damn cold on some nights. Cas said something about sharing body heat or some bullshit but-"

"He used his grace, Cas has a few tricks up his sleeve," Dean said, careful not to mention the stuff with the wings. He wasn't sure if Cas would appreciate him telling their friends about all that. Claire didn't seem convinced but she dropped the topic, waving a goodnight before Dean went off to his room.

Dean wondered whether Cas would join him today, even though he had no reason to. He waited, texting Sam back and forth before he heard a knock on the door and Cas appeared.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Just checking up on you," Cas said.

Dean sighed, "All good."

Cas nodded and was about to leave when Dean called out his name.

Cas turned around, hand on the door handle, "Yes?"

"So, you're not- uh… joining me tonight?" Dean asked, suddenly turning red. It shouldn't be this uncomfortable and weird to ask after what they went through but it was and Dean hated it. He hated the sudden tension between them and pretending to go back to normal around their friends. He hated that he didn't feel comfortable enough to hold Cas's hand or be close in the way he was used to. He hated all of it. 

Cas tilted his head, "I didn't think you would want me around considering you are now warm and safe and in the hands of good people. Do you still want me to stay?"

Dean furrowed his eyebrows, fiddling with his thumbs "I thought that was fairly obvious…"

"I don't understand."

The hunter stood up, "Cas, I didn't just stay with you because I needed you to keep me alive. I enjoyed spending time with you, even as annoying as you are sometimes. And I thought…"

"Thought what?"

Dean shook his head, "Nevermind. You can go now."

Cas watched Dean for a while, observing the way Dean was already placing his walls up protectively, "You're upset."

Dean shook his head again, "No I'm okay."

Cas re-entered the room closing the door behind him and walked up to Dean slowly. 

"You thought what, Dean?"

Dean closed his eyes, he didn't want to have this conversation now. He was exhausted out of his mind, his body and muscles ached from weeks of hunting and fighting.

"I thought we were getting close. I thought we had something going on. Cas."

"Dean," Cas gulped, "We can’t do this. You know we can't."

A part of Dean wanted to scream, but he kept his composure, the sadness waving in, "Yeah, I figured. Sorry I brought it up."

Cas breathed, backing away slowly, "I want you to understand, I am still your friend. I just don't want to lose you again. Every time we get… close, the universe tries to pull us apart. And it almost did. That day, when the world fell apart. I almost lost you then. That can't happen again, Dean. Claire lost Kaia, I could have lost you."

"I know, I get it. It's okay," Dean said quietly. Cas lowered his head, now almost at the door. He could read Dean like an open book and sometimes he wished he couldn't. Because at the moment, Cas knew Dean was not okay. That he was hurting, and pretending he was okay just for the sake of their friendship. 

"I'm sorry, Dean."


	14. A Lovers' Quarrel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Of course it fucking matters! You're all that matters!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Ghost of you- 5sos (I'm sorry)

Dean didn't talk to Castiel for the next few days. Jody didn't understand why but she didn't press for answers either. She knew better than to pester Dean about it. The day after the boys had arrived, Jody and Donna spoke with Sam and Castiel trying to coordinate everything when Dean walked into the room abruptly. He stood there dumbfounded, in his newly washed clothes that smelled like lavender flowers in a summer evening. 

"What's going on here?" Dean asked, looking at the angel and the ladies who were huddled together bowing heads over a phone on the table in the middle.

"Dean?" Sam asked over the phone.

"Are you having a meeting without me? Okay, wow _, rude_ ," Dean huffed. Cas moved to make space for Dean.

"So, what's the plan?" Dean asked, clasping his hands together.

"We were thinking of having Sam's army join ours. Obviously, they will take a few days to arrive. We can train and coordinate an attack together," Jody said, "We're stronger in numbers."

Dean frowned, "Sounds good, but have you considered your other option?"

"We have a second option?" Donna asked, confused more than anything. Dean felt Cas sending death glares at him, but he ignored it.

"Yeah, me. Use me as bait. Lure Michael out from wherever the fuck he is, and we hit him when he's distracted," Dean said like it was so obvious.

"You mean when he's distracted with _you?_ " Donna asked gently, watching the way Castiel's breathing hitched.

"Dean, no." Cas put a hand on Dean's knee to which Dean flinched. Cas slowly retreated his hand, now utterly perplexed by Dean's secluded behaviour.

Dean glared at Cas, "We don't need to put more lives at risk."

Jody and Donna looked at Castiel, "Cas? Sam? Your thoughts?"

"No." Both Sam and Cas answered simultaneously.

"Seriously guys! I'm not putting other lives at risk like this! Not if there's something else we can do," Dean said, now standing up, his rage and fury taking over in a flash.

Cas also stood up trying to calm Dean. He placed his hands out, "Dean, please. We are not putting your life at risk either. With both armies combined, we stand a chance."

Dean snarled back, "You don't get to talk, Cas. Don't pretend like you suddenly care about me. Don't pretend like you even want me around. We're _done_ , remember?"

Jody looked so shocked at Dean's words, and even Donna had her mouth hanging open. They all knew Dean and Castiel's relationship was all sorts of complicated, but they knew Dean would never speak to Cas like that.

"Dean, may I talk to you in private?" Cas asked, indicating to the ladies. Sam had gone oddly quiet on the phone. Dean simply huffed and followed Castiel out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

When they arrived in Dean's room, Cas gently closed the door behind him because he was pretty sure this conversation would end in raised voices.

"Dean, I understand your desire to jump into danger, but we can't put your life at risk," Cas said calmly.

Dean began pacing back and forth, "Oh, and what? You're willing to put _innocent_ lives at risk instead? Come on, Cas, we both know what this is about."

Cas waited patiently until Dean came to a stop, "This isn't about Michael at all. This is about how _you_ are too afraid to let me go."

Cas bit his lips, "I'm afraid you'll _die_. There's a difference."

"You're just fucking lying to yourself. Come on, you said it yourself before, you only got me back to use me as your weapon, right? So come on! Use me!"

"I only said that to Inias to settle their nerves. Dean, I got you back because I needed you back. Haven't the past few weeks proved that?"

Dean was playing a game that Cas wasn't willing to play this time around.

"You're fucking selfish, Cas, you know that?" 

Cas sighed _, And there it is._ "Please do continue," Cas snarled back.

"You kept me within your arm's reach back at your camp, made sure I was well fed and looked after, like a pig going into slaughter, and then the moment I'm willing to give myself up for this fight, you refuse to let me fight. You pushed me away, but you still refuse to let me go. You're a selfish bastard is what you are," Dean fired back.

Cas tilted his head, walking forward, "I have given you _everything_ , and _more_ , and what? Now you just expect me to let you walk into the fire? Into your death?"

"Isn't that what you've always wanted?" Dean said, exasperated and frustrated.

"Of course not!" Cas replied raising his voice to match Dean's, "I never wanted this for you! I never want you to risk your life for this fight! We will find another way, Dean, _it's what we do._ "

"That won't work this time," Dean said lowering his voice.

"What happened to you? No matter how many times you got beaten down, you always picked yourself back up."

"Reality happened, Cas! Life happened! This is the cold hard truth and if you're too much of a wimp to face it, then fucking leave! I don't give a rat's ass if you don't care about me anymore, I won't let these people walk to their deaths, especially, _especially_ , if there's something I can do about it!" Dean yelled.

"Dean-" Cas began but Dean pushed him away, shoving Cas towards the door forcefully. 

"You should leave," Dean said. His voice was cold and harsh, "This is the only way we win, so if you're not on board well fuck you."

There was something about the way Dean said those words that Cas absolutely detested, "You don't mean that."

Dean stepped forward, he was a few inches taller than Cas, "Don't I? We're _done,_ Castiel."

Cas pursed his lips, turning his back and left the room without another word.

\------------------- 

Castiel spent the next few days trying to get to know the people in the camp. He and Dean didn't speak much, so he decided to distract himself. Castiel always loved listening to people around him. Everyone had a story, a beginning, something that caused a massive shift in their path or changed who they are, and Castiel was always intrigued in their stories. There weren't as many kids in this camp, but Cas spoke and became friends with them nonetheless. Some of these kids refused to believe Cas was an angel, it seemed impossible. It was when Castiel healed a girl's cuts on her hands, that was when they believed. Dean watched from the corner of the room. He wanted to hate the angel because that would make it so much easier. It would be easier to despise him than to love him.

The next time Dean saw Cas was at another meeting. Cas didn't talk to Dean and Dean pretended like Cas didn't exist. Sam agreed to bring in his army to their camp so they can discuss everything face to face, but of course, this would take a few days.

Jody spoke with Cas, trying to figure out Dean but Cas didn't say much on the matter. When she tried to approach Dean on the matter, he made a lame excuse about being exhausted and brushed it off.

The next day, Jody asked Dean and Cas to check out this vampire nest in the next town, while they waited for Sam. Dean refused it immediately. Cas accepted it and agreed to go alone. Dean hesitated then and agreed to hunt with Cas as long as they didn't have to speak to one another. Cas was fine with that.

The drive there was agonisingly slow and quiet.

When they reached the town, they hunted together. Cas spoke when he had to, and Dean only replied with short answers. When Dean nearly got shredded to pieces by a vampire, Cas was the one who saved him. This time, Dean didn't thank him. When Cas offered a hand, Dean didn't take it. They went on like this, hunting and fighting together but not saying a word to one another until the vampires were all dead.

They were heading back to their jeep when Cas realised Dean's arm was broken after being thrown across the room by the eldest vampire in the nest.

"Dean, let me heal you," Cas said, feet shuffling to reach Dean.

"No, I'm fine."

"Don't be stupid," Cas said, offering a hand. Dean slapped his hand away.

"Fuck off," Dean snarled. But this time, Cas persisted, grabbing Dean's working arm, sending his grace through Dean's body until his other arm healed perfectly. Dean growled and pushed Cas away. Cas stumbled back a little, annoyed now.

Dean opened the driver's door, but Cas slammed it back shut.

"Will you stop being a dick to me? I am trying to _help_ you," Cas asked.

Dean sighed silently.

"Will you stop trying to talk to me?" Dean asked in the same condescending tone.

"Dean, we need to figure this out."

Dean shook his head, "We have nothing to figure out. We're not friends anymore, remember?"

The words carved into Cas like knives digging into his chest.

"Yeah, I remember. Do you know what else I remember? I remember holding you against me, watching you sleep peacefully, with your soft fingers muddled up in my wings." Cas's breath faltered, "I remember you calling out for me, even in your sleep. I remember you waking up, seeing my eyes and smiling brightly. I remember hugging you warmly. I remember kissing your cheek. I remember telling you about how I pulled you out of hell. I remember you smiling, and laughing with me. Do you remember that?"

Dean gulped, trying to keep the acids and the bile down in his stomach, "I remember you breaking my heart."

Cas paused, taking a sharp breath in. When Dean didn't reply, Cas moved so that he was finally facing the hunter, "Dean, we're fighting a war. We don't have time for things like this. For… a relationship."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, "It's always one excuse after another with you, isn't it? We never have time, Cas. We're always fighting a war. We _met_ during an apocalypse for God's sake!"

The angel stared at Dean, who was now visibly starting to break down. Cas hated this. He hated seeing Dean hurt and upset, but it was even worse now because he knew it was his fault Dean was in this state.

"I'm truly sorry, Dean," Cas said, starting to leave, but Dean quickly grabbed his arm.

"Tell me we change this around. Tell me I wasn't going crazy and making shit up in my head when I was with you," Dean said, his voice almost a whisper. There were so much desperation and longing that Cas could feel from a mile away. 

Cas swallowed nervously, "It doesn't matter."

Dean pulled Cas into him, his stare burning into Cas's eyes, "Of course it fucking matters! You're all that matters!"

"I've hurt you enough, Dean. Please, let me go. Let all of this go, it'll hurt less then," Cas said gently.

Dean pulled away with a hiss, "I _hate_ you."

Cas opened his mouth to say something but then stopped because he realised there were no words that could fix this mess. Dean pulled the door open and got in, sliding the keys in to start the car. Castiel didn't say a word either but he entered the passenger's seat and they drove back in complete silence. The silence was probably so much worse than Dean's hateful words. 

\------------------- 

When they got back, Dean and Castiel went separate ways immediately. Cas went to talk with Jody and Donna about their plans. They didn't have spare beds for their incoming guests so everyone was asked to bring blankets, pillows or sleeping bags. Food and security were provided by the camp. Jody and Donna were excited to see Sam again. They trusted Cas's input and instincts but they knew they could do better with Sam there too. The more the merrier, right? 

Meanwhile, Claire found Dean throwing punches at some boxing bags at the training grounds.

"Hey, trooper," Claire said gently.

"Oh hey, kid. What's up?" Dean asked, massaging his injured fists as he stepped away from the mats. 

"Was about to ask you that. All good?" Claire asked, "You look like you need to shoot something. Who fucked up this time?"

"Cas, Cas fucked up."

Claire's eyes widened, "Not to be invasive or anything, but what's going on with you two? You've always been close friends but now…"

Dean sighed, "Honestly, well... I think _I_ fucked up this time. So you know about how we got kicked out, right?" Claire nodded. "Well, while we were on the streets trying to make our way here, Cas and I got close. And I mean, like, really close. Days were fucking long, nights were too cold, and Cas kept me company. I've been on my own in those streets before, and it nearly drove me out of my god damn mind, Claire. But having Cas changed everything. He made sure I always had food, he made sure I was always warm. And then I went and wanted more and ruined everything."

Claire frowned, "Wait, you lost me. Cas… rejected you?"

Dean looked down, "Yeah, pretty much. He said we couldn't be like that."

Claire's frown deepened, "That doesn't sound like Cas…"

Dean's head flickered up, "What are you talking about?"

"I know Cas, I see the way he looks at you, the way he acts around you. You know when I was a child, Cas possessed me, and I felt it then too. He was always fond of you. So, none of this makes any sense," Claire said, staring at Dean.

"Maybe he just fucking finally gave up. Maybe I just finally broke him."

Claire shook his head furiously, "That doesn't sound like him either."

"Cas said he's scared he'll lose me again if we become… you know… that. He said he wanted to work things out and then he flipped and said it won't work between us and I just don't know," Dean said, throwing his hands in the air.

Claire's frown faded as her face cleared, "Oh."

"What? You look like you had a fucking epiphany," Dean said.

"It makes sense when you say it like that. Cas spent a whole year worried out of his mind about you. And he finally gets you back and he's probably scared you'll get taken away from him again. Think about it, Dean. He still wants you as a friend, I'm sure. He _needs_ you. But he's scared. I would feel the same if it was me and Kaia. I would give everything to get her back, Dean," Claire said, with a weak smile.

"So, what am I supposed to do about it?" Dean asked, more gentle this time.

"Well, for one, stop pushing him away and fucking talk to him," Claire replied, folding her arms across her chest.

Dean groaned, "He won't talk!"

The door burst open, and it was Jody, "Sam's here!"

Dean and Claire grinned at each other and followed Jody as they all sprinted down the hallways. When they came to the main door, Cas was already pulling away from Sam's bear hug. Dean looked at his brother with a massive smile on his face before finally falling into his brother's arms.

"Heya, Sammy."


	15. Caught in a crossfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for the chapter:  
> Hearts by Jessie Ware

Sam was absolutely thrilled to see his brother and Castiel, but even more so excited to see Jody and the girls again. It had been too long until they were all reunited together, under the same roof. Too damn long. Donna accompanied Sam's team to their new "dorms" where they would be sleeping, with David flashing a quick smug look at Dean as he strolled by. Inias came to the sidelines to talk to Castiel.

"Castiel! Oh, it's so good to see you again! How are you?" Inias said, pulling Castiel into a very unexpected but heart-warming hug.

"I'm doing alright. I'm pleased you accepted this offer to join camps. Is everything good on your end?" Cas asked. He couldn't help but worry about his people who were now under Sam's charge.

"Yes, Sam is leading us well. We know exactly where Michael is located at. It's only a matter of time before we attack. How are you and Dean?" Inias asked. Cas shifted his weight around, biting his lower lip.

He quickly glanced at Dean who was giving Sam a playful punch on his arm, "We're going through a rough patch right now." Cas guided Inias along to the dining area where they caught up on everything over some food. After Dean and Castiel had left, Sam had immediately stepped up into his position. Inias praised Sam for pulling through as he remained unshaken and true to his heart. Cas asked about the children, Clarissa and her friends, as well Dorothea, who now felt little kicks from her unborn child. It warmed Cas's heart to hear these stories of the people he stood beside all this time.

They were all in the dining room, having dinner when Dean knocked into David and well, things _escalated._ Dean tried his best to ignore him and tried to march past him but David spoke up, "I'm surprised Castiel stuck around you for this long."

This caused Dean to spin around with his coffee in his hands, "Leave me alone, man."

"Castiel is an all-powerful being, you are _nothing_ to him." David's taunts were like an itch you couldn't quite scratch.

Dean took a deep breath in, "That's none of your business." Sam who had been sitting beside Castiel surrounded by Inias, Jody and Donna, nudged Cas with his elbow. Cas turned to see Dean slowly losing his battle with his temper and immediately rushed over to defuse the tension.

"Is everything alright here?" Cas asked politely, placing his back to Dean to act as a barrier. David made a "hmph" noise before leaving. Cas turned to face Dean who looked like he could send an arrow through someone's head. He was fuming and Cas being around definitely didn't help.

"Dean, you've got to control yourself," Cas said quickly, placing a hand on Dean's jacket. But Dean just pushed Cas away leaving him standing alone.

\------------------- 

The next day, Cas and a few others went out on a monster hunt. Cas wanted to get out a little away from the others, and by others, he meant Dean. Castiel found it suffocating and unbearable being in the same room as Dean. So when the opportunity to go on a hunt without the Winchester brothers arose, Castiel took it. They left at dawn, well before the sun rose, and was planned to return in the evening. It was meant to be a quick hunt, nothing serious, a bunch of werewolves. But naturally, something always goes wrong.

Jody was the first one to react. She got a message from a friend who went with Castiel saying that something had gone terribly wrong. They didn't anticipate Michael's monsters to be there. She tried to call them, to get in touch with the group but the calls never went through.

Jody found Sam and Dean bent over books, talking in hushed voices in Dean's little room. When Jody told Sam that their hunt had gone sideways, Sam pulled out his phone and called Cas but again, no response. Dean watched Sam and Jody worriedly.

"So, what do we do?" Sam asked.

"I think we should send out a second-team, only a few people, just to check," Jody said unsure still.

"I'll go," Dean volunteered. Sam stared at Dean and after a moment, shook his head, "No. We'll send some others."

"But I'm one of the best fighters we've got!" Dean argued.

"That's exactly why we need you here," Sam said, to which Jody agreed, bobbing her head up and down. Dean wanted to fight back but he wasn't up for a fight with his brother today.

They sent out a second team of three skilled fighters to find out what happened. In the afternoon, Jody received a call. Once the call ended, Sam and Dean stared at her.

"So, they got jumped by a few of Michael's monsters. Out of the first group we sent on the hunt, two out of five are dead. The second group is bringing everyone in. They'll be here by late evening."

Dean felt the room spin when he asked, "And Cas?"

"They didn't say," Jody replied. Dean bit his lips nervously. What if Cas was one of those two dead people? The last thing Dean said to Cas was that he hated him. If Cas died thinking or believing that Dean hated him, Dean would never forgive himself. Sam placed a cool hand on his brother's shoulder.

"He'll be okay, Dean. It's _Cas."_

Dean just nodded, bouncing his leg up and down restlessly as they waited for more news in the dining room.

It was late at night, around 10 pm when Sam and Dean got the news that the trucks were rolling in. Dean sprinted down the hallways to their garage, watching and waiting to see who would be left standing and walking on their two feet. Sam waited behind his brother tensely. Two men got off the first truck looking like they fought a hellhound, bloodied head to toe. The second truck came to a stop and out came a young girl with black curls, around Claire's age, and the angel in the trenchcoat.

"Oh my god, Cas," Dean breathed out watching as Cas limped forward. He was bleeding from his abdomen and there was more blood dripping from the side of his head. Dean, forgetting their stupid fights, lurched forward, pulling Cas into a hug before Cas could get any words out.

"I don't hate you," Was the first thing Dean said.

Cas wrapped his left arm around Dean weakly, "I know."

Dean pulled away awkwardly, not knowing what else to say or do. Sam helped the others pull out the bodies and lay them on the ground. Dean didn't want to let go of Cas, but Cas was already walking towards the bodies. He knelt, touching two fingers to their foreheads and shaking his head. Jody left to call their deceased's friends and families and prepare a quick funeral, but Donna stayed behind. The very injured and bruised hunters left to their doctor to patch themselves back up but Cas remained. Cas stood back up, eyes fixated on Sam.

"I couldn't save them," Cas said slowly.

"It happens, Cas. Sometimes there's nothing we could have done."

Dean put a small hand to Cas's shoulder, "Cas, come with me. I'll get you cleaned up."

Cas shook his head, still staring at Sam, "I can't leave them." Sam gave Dean _that_ look, the look that said _'Please-get-him-out-of-here'._

"Cas, you're hurt. Come on, you're no good to anyone like this," Dean tried again. This time Cas nodded and followed Dean out of the garage and to his room. Dean closed the door and pulled out the small first aid kit he burrowed a few days ago. It didn't have everything, but Dean had gotten particularly good at improvising when he needed to.

"Come on, coats and shirts off, I need to look at that wound," Dean said pointing to Cas's stomach. Cas winced as he took his layers off slowly. Dean prepared two clean towels, a few bandages, betadine, and some gauze pads. Cas grunted as he sat on the edge of the chair. Dean checked out Cas's stomach wound first, but to his relief, Cas's grace had already kicked in and he was healed nice and slow. He wiped the blood off and did the same to the maroon liquid drying on Castiel's face. Cas waited patiently, watching as Dean got to work.

"I don't think you need stitches to your head, but this cut on your stomach is still pretty bad even though the bleeding has stopped. I'll have to stitch that up," Dean said slowly.

Cas grabbed his hand, "I'm okay."

"Yeah, I can see that," Dean said sarcastically, "Look, remember when you healed me after that vampire case a few days ago? Yeah, well now it's my turn." Once Dean was sure Cas wasn't going to protest again, he diverted his attention to the stomach wound. The cut was a few inches deep. Dean reckons a stab by a sharp object.

Almost as if Cas could read his mind, he went, "One of those monsters had a tail, a sharp one. It stabbed me. If I was human I would have died."

Dean bit his lips nervously, trying not to think about the possibility of Cas dying. He nodded and stitched the skin back together, earning a quiet hiss from Cas. Cas gripped Dean's shoulder tightly, teeth-gritting through the pain. Dean cleaned the rest of the blood and covered the area with some bandages.

"Good as new," he said. Cas watched as Dean threw away the dirtied equipment, dragging his feet to the bathroom to scrub his hands. When he returned, he cleaned up and closed the first aid box.

"Dean," Cas said weakly, "Please come here." He was now standing up, hand over the bandage.

"Yeah? You shouldn't be standing up..." Dean went over to Cas, and the moment he was close enough, Cas pulled Dean into him, putting his entire weight into Dean, and into the hug. Dean didn't say anything but again, like before, he could feel the exhaustion and suffering putting a toll on Castiel.

"I'm so tired," Cas grumbled into Dean's shoulder.

"Yeah, you probably need some sleep," Dean just replied.

"No, I meant, I'm tired of fighting with you." Cas pulled away a little to look at Dean, "I hate fighting with you. I'm sorry for hurting you, can we just- go back to normal. I'm so tired, Dean." Cas fell back into Dean, head dropping weakly.

Dean's eyes widen, this is not what he was expecting, "Of course. Yeah, sure. I was a bit of a dick to you too, so I'm sorry."

Cas grumbled something inaudible.

"Cas, listen, we'll talk about all this later. You need to sleep. Take my bed, just fucking sleep, please," Dean said. For the most part, Cas didn't sleep. He slept sometimes to recharge, or waste time when the brothers were also sleeping, or because he liked it. But he didn't really need to. But now, Dean could tell Cas _had_ to sleep. Dean guided Cas to his bed, making sure he was comfortable and Cas fully passed out within seconds of hitting the pillow, shirtless and his hand resting on his bandaged wound.

\------------------- 

Castiel woke up the next morning feeling like he got hit by a truck. He wished he did. It would honestly hurt less. When Cas properly woke up he realised he was in Dean's room and suddenly panicked. He shouldn't be here. He quickly got dressed, realising his white shirt had been newly washed and dried, and carefully left the room. He bumped into Dean in the hallway, who was carrying a glass of orange juice and pancakes in a plate in his other hand.

"Dean?" Cas asked confused.

"Oh, you're up. I- uh- got you breakfast?" Dean handed Cas the glass of juice first which Cas graciously thanked him for.

"The funeral-" Cas said, suddenly remembering last night's events.

"Woah, easy tiger. It's in a few hours, don't worry," Dean replied, "Come on, let's go back to my room. You need to eat and uh- we can talk."

Cas silently nodded following Dean back to his room. Cas spotted David on the other end of the hallway watching them both like a fucking hawk, but Cas just avoided his eye altogether. He wasn't in the mood for another argument.

Dean settled the food down on the small circular table in his room, Cas perched on the chair and began eating. Dean sat opposite Cas, silently waiting.

"You have questions," Cas said.

"What happened yesterday? I've heard about five versions of the same fucking story this morning," Dean said suddenly.

"We took out the werewolves but then a few of Michael's monsters, those hybrid things, jumped us. Jonah defended me and we fought but Kyle got stabbed by this creature with this tail, really long really sharp tail. It was about to strike Emily too, so I put myself in front of her and the creature ended up stabbing me instead. Kyle died, of course. Natasha and Emily killed a few of them but god there were so many, Dean. Jonah got jumped, he didn't make it. I used whatever grace I had in me to blast away the creatures, and quickly hid Emily and Natasha. Then the second group came to rescue us."

Dean nodded understanding, "I'm sorry."

Cas stopped eating, he felt sick.

Dean quickly changed the subject, "So, uh you're better now though, right?"

"Yes, my grace was so low last night, I just needed to rest to replenish it but I'm better now. Thank you for asking."

Dean stared at the ground, moving his feet in his seat uncomfortably, "I was worried."

"Me too. I didn't want to lose Emily and Natasha too."

"No Cas, I mean, I was worried about you," Dean sighed.

Cas stared at him with an unreadable expression.

Dean brought his eyes back up, "I know you and I are… complicated. But I- uh- look- I need you. Ok, I don't know what it is, but I need you. And every time you go into one of these hunts and something goes wrong, I get so fucking scared, Cas. So maybe I get it. Maybe I get how you feel when I throw myself into danger all the time."

"I didn't mean to cause you more distress," Cas said.

Dean shrugged, "I can't _not_ worry about you, Cas. But yeah- you're right. I'm sick of the fighting too. It's so fucking exhausting fighting with you. I'm sorry for being a shithead, or as you call it, an assbutt." Cas's lips curved into a gentle smile, relaxing his shoulders.

"I get it now. I get you're scared. About losing me. About losing this fight. I get it, Cas. I'm not gonna ask more from you, I've already asked too much. Just- let's not fight okay?" Dean asked trying his best to be truthful no matter how difficult it was, "We need to focus on the fight ahead and we work better as friends anyway."

Cas nodded, "I agree. And yes, no more fighting."

"So, are ya gonna finish these pancakes or what?" Dean asked, breaking the tension easily with his humour. Cas shrugged, pushing the plate towards Dean, who gratefully just ate the whole damn thing.

And just like that, it was settled. Dean felt his heart weigh another thousand pounds. There were still words unsaid, feelings buried deep down and thoughts never ushered aloud.

They had the funeral later on, which was as sombre and haunting as one could imagine. Sam gathered Dean, Cas, Jody and Donna to talk about the plan. The plan was much easier said than done. After a whole argument with Dean against literally everyone else, it was decided that now that they knew where Michael was hiding, they would attack in the coming week. They split up into six teams of six people. Each team would have one of either Sam, Dean, Cas, Jody, Donna or Claire because they were the hunters with the most experience on their hands. Each team would attack from different sides, leaving Dean's team to enter from the front to end Michael. Sam had brought the archangel blade with him, and it was safely tucked away. Dean tried to persuade them to use him as bait but none of them agreed that was a good idea, Castiel, especially. Dean begged Sam to reconsider and change their plans but Sam was as tenacious as Cas or possibly even more so. After their meeting had ended, it was late evening and everyone had gone back to sleep. Cas found Sam in the dining hall staring at his phone. 

"Hey," Cas said, sliding in to sit behind the Winchester brother. 

Sam looked up smiling lightly, "Hey, Cas. You're not sleeping tonight?" 

"No, I'm not as tired. You?" Cas's eyes fixed on Sam's. 

Sam sighed, "I will in a sec. I just- it's hard to fall asleep sometimes." 

Cas frowned, concerned, "Is everything alright?" 

Sam shrugged lightly, "Yeah, I'm just worried, I guess. Anyways, how are you and Dean? Did you guys work things out?" 

It was Cas's turn to sigh heavily, slouching his shoulders, "Dean can be difficult sometimes. But yes, we worked things out more or less." 

"Yeah, my brother is a pain in the ass. But he really tries for you. He was scared shitless yesterday when you went on that hunt."

Sam's little smirk made Cas smile, "Yes, I am aware. You and your brother really know how to keep me on my toes, huh?" 

Sam's grin turned into a deep laugh, "Damn right, we do! Anyways, I'm gonna go get some rest. You should too." 

"Goodnight, Sam," Cas said. He watched Sam walk away, very happy and pleased with himself for making him laugh. He hadn't heard Sam laugh like that in a very long time, and it warmed the angel's heart every time he heard it. 


End file.
